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| Posted by Sexy Monster on 11-Aug-2005 | Do Women Talk to Much?Sam was trying to show his wife that women talk much more than men. To prove his point he showed her a scholarly study that showed men, on average, use about l500 words per day as opposed to women, who use at least 3,000.
Gussie, his wife, pondered this for a little while and then thought of an answer. "Women", she said, "must use twice as many words as men, because they have to repeat every thing they say."
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| Posted by Jay Knite on 11-Aug-2005 | Drive Em WildQ. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money
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| Posted by Marc C. Fryer on 11-Aug-2005 | English Translations By GenderWomen's English:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious
by now Do what you want = You will pay for this later
We need to talk = I want to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You sweat a lot and you need to shave
Your certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you think about?
Be romantic, turn off the lights = I don't want you to see my flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = And carpeting and furniture and wallpaper . . . .
Hang the picture there = NO! I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I am about to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you aren't going to like
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing really = Your such an ass hole
Men's English:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out for dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress = Nice cleavage
You look tense, let me give you a masssage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex tonight?
I love you = There I said it, Let's have sex now
I love you too = Now we have to have sex!
Let's talk = I am trying to prove to you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'll have sex with me
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
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| Posted by KrAzYBoY on 11-Aug-2005 | Everything Men Know About WomenThe following is a comprehensive federal study, approved by the Attorney General:
Everything Men Know About Women
End of Report
U.S. Attorney General's Office
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| Posted by stephanie l. gregory on 11-Aug-2005 | FAQs -- Men -- 2Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
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What's with all the belching and farting?
This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.
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Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? err... Buying?
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Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?
Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper position of the toilet seat is a function of the time spent peeing over the time spent sitting. The closer that ratio approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, it's actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we care if we pee all over the seat. You're the ones that have to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we actually lift the darn thing. We aim to please.
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Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?
Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos are generally much easier to get along (alone) with. They like having fun and doing exciting things. They don't walk around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. They don't ever give us a hard time for being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes (even the ones they don't get). What more could any of us males ask for?
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Why do men act like they own the remote control?
What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenth of the law. Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to be entrusted to just anyone. I believe the only fair way to decide who gets the remote control is to arm wrestle for it.
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Why can't men stay on a single channel for more than two seconds?
Are you kidding? What if there is something good on the next channel? We could miss it if we stay on one channel for too long. (See also: Why do men fear commitment?)
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Why do men fear commitment?
Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment' means and can spell it correctly. It's like an automobile. No matter how good you think this year's model is, they're always coming out with newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier models. We simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one we see. We must browse around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants to end up with a lemon? At least a car, there's a slight chance of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more sense to lease and upgrade to the younger... err... I mean newer models every couple of years. Some of them come with fun extras like dual air bags.
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What does it mean when men say, "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" or "I don't want a girl friend?"
It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not enough so that we want to see you repeatedly.
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What does it mean when men say, "Can we just be friends?"
Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is physically repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be thick enough to provide adequate protection.
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Do all men really masturbate?
Yes. It is genetically inherited behavior. It's been passed on from our most primal forefathers, and it'll be passed on to our sons.
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Why do men generally have greater upper body strength?
Several factors are at work, namely evolution, heredity, nutrition, and environment. (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)
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Why do men generally have better hand-eye or spatial coordinate motor coordination?
It is like with all things. Practice... Practice... Practice... (See also: Do all men really masturbate?)
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Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?
As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were obsessed with ugly women, there would be just as much bitching about why men are so obsessed with ugly women. No matter how you set this up, some people are always going to be left out. I don't see anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people either.
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Why do men like younger women?
Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like older men, they're easily impressed. They're also perky, energetic, and come with very little baggage. And gravity has less prevail over their bodies.
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Why do men only have one thing on their minds?
While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true. We may only be able to entertain one idea at a time, but we do think of lots of other things besides sex, such as sports and beer. We also get hungry quite often.
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How can men possibly find that other woman attractive (i.e. whatever do you see in that fat pig)?
Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea that you are ours, other women suddenly become much more attractive and you lose a few attractiveness points. I'm a bit puzzled by this one myself. I think evolution is to blame. We men are just innocent bystanders in the war of the selfish genes. You should love us despite our inherent weakness.
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Why are men such dogs?
I resent that. Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate... and obedient...
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| Posted by Alicia Crow on 11-Aug-2005 | Female Lab ReportOBSERVATION:
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing. If you don't, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't you are half a man.
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you don't, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you don't , she thinks you do not love her.
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls.
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics.
If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.
ANALYSIS:
These creatures So simple, So weak, So confusing
CONCLUSION:
It is a wonder that these "WOMEN" are able to survive in the world. All test results have indicated that "WOMEN" are irrational. Precaution is advised when handling them.
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