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| Posted by Jack B. Quick on 09-Aug-2005 | Do You Sell DildoesA little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dildoes h-here?"
The sa lesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop, answered, "Uh, yes, Ma'am. We do."
The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, "D-do y-you ha-aave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?"
"Well, yes Ma'am, we do. We have several that size." Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?"
"Well... Yes ma'am a few of them are about that big."
"D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?"
"Yes, Ma'am, one of them does."
"W-Wel-ll, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?"
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| Posted by Rick Bron on 09-Aug-2005 | Lost My CarA man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"
"Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally.
About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "OHHH GOD . . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"
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| Posted by Chris Bayless on 09-Aug-2005 | Don KingA Huge 300lb. woman walks in to a tatoo shop and asks the artist, "Sir could you do a tatoo of Iron Mike Tyson on this leg?" "And another of Mohammad Ali on this leg?"
"Sure I think I can do that just come on back and have a seat." A couple hours later the man gets finished up and shows the woman the final product.
The woman takes a look at the tatoo for a while and says, "well sir we have a problem, this dosen't look like Iron Mike Tyson and this sure as hell dosen't look like Mohammad Ali."
The man sits and thinks for a second and says to himself, "man I sure as hell don't want to get into a fight with this 300lb. woman"...he sits for a little longer and comes up with a solution. He tells the woman "ok here's the deal, you go out side and the first person you see I want you to ask them if that tatoo looks like Tyson and if that one looks like Ali."
So the woman agrees and walks outside to this drunk man walking down the street, she approaces the man pulls up her skirt and asks him, "Sir does this look anything like Iron Mike Tyson to you?"
Takes a drink of his wine and says (in a drunk voice) "naw sure don't."
Woman: Well ok now, "does this look anything like Mohammad Ali to you?"
Taking another sip he says nope that sure don't but you see that one in the middle that looks just like Don King..
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| Posted by Lady on 09-Aug-2005 | Twisted PenisEd and Ted are standing side by side at urinals when Ed glances down and sees that Ted's dick is twisted like a corkscrew.
Ed says, "I've never seen one like that before."
Ted says, "Like what?"
Ed says, "All twisted, like a pig's tail."
Ted says, "What's yours like?"
Ed says, "Straight, like normal."
Ted says, "I thought mine was normal 'til I saw yours."
Ed finishes and starts shaking his prick.
Ted says, "What'd you do that for?"
Ed says, "I was shaking out the last few drops."
Ted says, "Wow... and to think that all these years I've been wringing mine out."
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| Posted by James Rudd on 09-Aug-2005 | Man Eats Light BulbsA little boy comes to his Mom one day and asks her, "Why does Daddy eat light bulbs?"
The mother laughs and says, What makes you think that your father eats light bulbs?"
The boy replies, "The other night when you didn't know I was listening, I heard Daddy say to you, 'Turn out the light Honey, and I'll eat it!'"
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| Posted by john romanutti on 09-Aug-2005 | Pepsi GenieIt was a black man.....a hungry, thirsty bum. He was looking for food in a garbage can, when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi. He opens the can and a magic genie comes out.
"You get three wishes, be very careful and don't spoil them."
"OK, OK," and without hesitation he says, "first I want to be white. Second, I want a lot of girls, naked girls, beautiful girls sitting on my face! And third, I want plenty to drink.... lots of water.
Bam, presto...the Magic Genie turned him into.....a toilet!
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