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| Posted by PattiebOy on 09-Aug-2005 | Doctor's visitA lady walks into her doctor's office, screaming.
She yells, "Doctor, Doctor my breasts are hairy! What do I do?"
The doctor asks, "Well, how long does the hair grow?"
The lady replies, "From here to my penis, but that's a different story!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by blueindiansquaw
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| Posted by Ruth S. Ludlum on 09-Aug-2005 | Car accidentA young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200 mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peels off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe," he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do....he's in too far!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by Mousie Grr on 09-Aug-2005 | Vocabulary dayThere was a class and each student had to go up to the front of the room and say a sentence using one of their spelling words.
First Juan goes up and his word was love, so he says, "Sara says she loves me."
Then it's Chase's turn, his word is hate, so he goes up and says, "Sara says she hates me."
Then it's Chris's turn, his word is dictate, so he goes up to the front of the class and says, "Sara says my dictate good."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by blueindiansquaw
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| Posted by The Chosen One forever on 09-Aug-2005 | While the cats away!As the door is opened, the travelling salesman is shocked to see a little lad, standing there in a silk dressing gown, cigar in one hand, glass of whiskey in the other.
Looking further into the house, a prostitute is laying spent across the couch!
"Er, hello young man," he manages to stammer, "is your mommy or daddy home?"
Little Johnny looks at him increduously, "Does it fucking look like it?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by Jenny G. Kuper on 09-Aug-2005 | HookerAs the young couple prepare to go to bed on their wedding night, the groom says to his bride, "Honey, I have a confession to make. I'm a golf addict.
I play whenever I have a minute. I can't get enough of it. you'll probably never see me on the weekends."
His bride looked a little uneasy and then said, "Honey I have a confession also...I'm a hooker."
"No problem." Replied the groom, "Just keep your left arm straight and keep that head down. You'll be hitting them straight in no time."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Mike Kool on 09-Aug-2005 | Excuses!A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.
After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.
Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.
He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.
After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.
Holding his neck with one hand, he said, "Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!"
"Hell, that's nothing" she answered, ripping open her blouse. "Look what he did to my tits!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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