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| Posted by Ashley P. G on 14-Aug-2005 | Dogs vs. MenDogs are better then Men
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and then never
laugh at how you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they
know the most important thing is that you're together.
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can house train a dog.
You can force a dog to take a bath.
Dogs don't correct your stories.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a
younger owner.
Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
Dogs take care of their own needs.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind. Both like to chew wood.
Both mark their territory. Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women.s crotches.
Neither does any dishes. Both fart shamelessly.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
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| Posted by iRiShBaBi Smith on 14-Aug-2005 | The SausageOne day a little cat was walking through the park when he came
across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the
bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage. The cat
was feeling quite puckish so as the water wasn't that deep he
reached in with his little paw and hooked the sausage out and
ate it.
The next day the cat was walking through the park again and he
peered into the pond again. There was another sausage but this
time it was a normal sized one so the cat reached in but this
time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked
the sausage out and ate it.
The next day the cat looked into the pond and found an enormous
Cumberland sausage at the bottom of the pond. It looked so
delicious but it was so deep that he had to actually put the
whole of his body into the pond to reach the sausage. He found
it very tasty.
The moral of the story is
The bigger the sausage - the wetter the pussy.
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| Posted by luke s. heald on 09-Aug-2005 | Birth controlThree women are discussing sex and birth control.
The first woman says,
'We're Catholic, so we can't use it.'
The second woman says,
`I'm also Catholic, but we use the rhythm method.'
The third woman says, `We use the bucket-and-saucer method.'
Fascinated, the other women ask for an explanation.
`Well, I'm 1.80 m and my husband is 1.50 m,' the third woman says.
'We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get as big as saucers I kick the bucket out from under him.'
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| Posted by Dimitre Atanasov on 09-Aug-2005 | Fill the apartmentA proper English gentleman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did.
Before he left, he told the girl that he didn't have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment `Rent for Apartment'.
On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam, Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It bad never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat; and
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it bad been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following letter.
Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.
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| Posted by Azrael Muadhen on 09-Aug-2005 | Like a babyA young couple are on their way to Las Vegas to get married.
Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they had not been intimate was because she was very flat-chested. If he wished to cancel the wedding, it would be okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while and said he did not mind if she was flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wanted to make a confession. He said that below his waist he was just like a baby, and if the girl wished to cancel tile wedding, it'd be fine by him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she did not mind and she also believed there were other things far more important in a marriage than sex. Both were happy that they'd been honest with each other.
They went on to Vegas and got married. On the wedding night the girl took off her clothes and she was as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes and one look at the guy's naked body made the girl faint and fall to the floor.
After she came to, the guy asked,
'I told you before we got married, why did you still faint?'
The girl said,
'You told me it was just like a baby.'
The guy replied,
'Yes, eight pounds and 21 inches.'
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| Posted by dontrell on 09-Aug-2005 | Once a CowboyAn old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whisky, a young lady sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked him,
'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied,
'Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I am.'
He then asked her what she was. She replied,
'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.'
A little while later a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him,
'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied,
'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
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