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| Posted by Starkiz Pop on 09-Aug-2005 | Ed ZacharyA woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she go and see Dr Chang, the well-known sex therapist. So she went to see him and upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said,
'OK, take off all you crose.'
So she did.
Dr Chang then said,
'Ok now, crawl reery fass to the other side of the room.'
So she did.
Dr Chang then said,
'OK' now crawl reery fass to me,'
So she did.
Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said,
'Your problem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I
ever see, that why you not haf sex or dates.'
Confused the woman asked,
'What is Ed Zachary Disease?'
Dr Chang replied,
'It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your arse??™
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| Posted by Nymph on 09-Aug-2005 | Tax the penisThe only thing that the tax department has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 40 percent of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30 percent of the time it is bard up, 20 percent of the time it is pissed off and 10 percent of the time it is on the hole.
On top of that, it bas two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective ! January 2001, your penis will be taxed according to size, as follows:
11-12".,.... Luxury Tax $30
8-10' Pole Tax $25
6-7" Privilege Tax $15
5` Nuisance Tax $3
A male exceeding 12" must file under capital gains while anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION.
Sincerely Pecker Checker,
Tax Department
We are stall waiting for answers to the following:
Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
What if one's penis is self-employed?
Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes?
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| Posted by Michael Gailling on 09-Aug-2005 | In the RestaurantA lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.
So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's.
She says, 'Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right there on the table.'
The doctor says, 'I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.'
'Naah...' she says, 'that's okay. We wouldn??™t go back to that restaurant anyway.'
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| Posted by Brynn Barraclough on 09-Aug-2005 | Too damned closeThe modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence,
'if you can read this you're too damned close' embroidered on her panties and bra.
'Yes madam,' said the assistant,
'I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?'
'Braille.' she replied.
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| Posted by Vince Joebob on 09-Aug-2005 | Bobbit HillbilliesTo the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies:
Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John,
a poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with his wife;
she loped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis that is.
Clean cut.
Missed his nuts.
Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsue by his side
And Lorena is in the car taking willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
And she tossed him out the window as she went around a bend.
Curve that is.
Tossed the nub
in the scrub.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack
and they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked And they pointed 'over there'.
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found that is.
By the fence.
Evidence.
So the dick doc said, `Hey, I can fix your dong.
A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need.'
And the whole world waited 'til they heard that Johnny peed.
Whizzed that is.
Even seam.
Straight steam.
Well he healed and he hardened and he took his dick to court.
With a half-arsed lawyer, 'cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her assault and acquitted him of rape
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape.
Video that is.
Unexposed.
Case closed.
Ya'll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?!
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| Posted by Belle on 09-Aug-2005 | Barber shopThis guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looks around the shop and says,
'About two hours.'
The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looks around at his shop full of customers and says,
'About two hours.'
The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looks around the shop and says,
'About an hour and a half.'
The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
'Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.'
In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
The barber asks,
'Bill, where did that guy go when he left here?'
Bill looks at him and says,
'To your house.'
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