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():love jokes (2491): Elderly Gentleman Gets Hearing Back |
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| Posted by sorin s. dohanes on 08-Aug-2005 | Elderly Gentleman Gets Hearing BackAn elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with excellent new hearing aids.
He returned a month later for a checkup, and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly; but, now I listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already.
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():love jokes (2491): Before and After in Marriage |
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| Posted by bob pope on 08-Aug-2005 | Before and After in MarriageBefore - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I'm suffocating.
Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.
Before - Ricky & Lucy.
After - Fred & Ethel.
Before - Saturday Night Live.
After - Monday Night Football.
Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...
Before - Is that all you are eating?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.
Before - Wheel of Fortune.
After - Jeopardy.
Before - It's like living a dream.
After - It's a nightmare.
Before - Turbocharged.
After - Needs a jump-start
Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?
Before - Idol.
After - Idle.
Before - He's lost without me.
After - Why can't he ask for directions?
Before - When together, time stands still.
After - This relationship is going nowhere.
Before - Oysters.
After - Fishsticks.
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
After - How did I end up with someone like you?
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| Posted by Kenny Ross on 08-Aug-2005 | PaintingA woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."
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| Posted by Loverble Cats on 08-Aug-2005 | 20 Years In PrisonA woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, finally finding her husband in the basement, crouched in the corner, facing the wall, and
sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?", he replied.
"And remember he said I had two choices; I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?"
"I would have been released today."
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| Posted by iRiShBaBi Smith on 08-Aug-2005 | A Tatto of LoveA man and woman were dating and he asked her to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her she wanted him to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When it was erect is said Wendy and when it was limp if said Wy. They got married and went to Jamaica to a nude beach for their honeymoon. Wendy told her husband to go get them a drink so he went to a stand on the beach and noticed the man who was waiting on him also has a Wy on his penis. He said oh you must have a wife named Wendy to and the waiter said no mine says Welcome to Jamaica man have a nice day!!!
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| Posted by Monnie on 08-Aug-2005 | 40th BirthdayA middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says, "So what would you like, Sherry? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"
She said, "I want a divorce."
He replied in shock, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."
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