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| Posted by Bugs Bunny on 10-Aug-2005 | Erin Go Bra ShoppingA man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the
woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"
"Look around???, said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape,
size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are
really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what the types were.
The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the
Baptist type. Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports
the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type
makes mountains out of mole hills.???
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| Posted by Shawn m. Wynn on 10-Aug-2005 | sorority girl has achieved orgasm?How can you tell if a sorority girl has achieved orgasm?
She drops her nail file.
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| Posted by kickitup on 11-Aug-2005 | Female Hormones"Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive..."
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| Posted by Tom Dunlap on 11-Aug-2005 | Man & His WifeA guy and his wife were speeding down the interstate when a state cop pulls him over. The man says, "What's the problem officer?
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you were going 80." Man gives his wife a dirty look.
Officer: "I will also give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for months." Man gives his wife a dirty look.
Officer: "I will also give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
Man turns to his wife and yells, "Bitch, shut your damn mouth"
The Officer turns to the woman and says, "Ma'm,does your husband talk to you this way all the time?? Wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."
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| Posted by ProudBreed on 11-Aug-2005 | It's a "Guy Thing"........."It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,
and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means: "The batteries in the remote are dead."
"We're going to be late."
Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means: "Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means: "I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me."
Really means: "You want me to stay awake."
"That's women's work."
Really means: "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means: "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house."
Really means: "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means: "I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?"
Really means: "What did you catch me doing?"
"I heard you."
Really means: "I have no idea what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"You look terrific."
Really means: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I missed you."
Really means: "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means: "I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again."
"We share the housework."
Really means: "I make the messes, you clean them up."
"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means: "You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck."
"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means: "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
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| Posted by funkypunk on 11-Aug-2005 | Three CowboysThree cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. "And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.
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