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| Posted by Carolyn Halabaloo on 10-Aug-2005 | Erotic costumeAfter having watched a number of fashion shows, a woman became obsessed with
the modern vogue. She started inventing all kinds of attires. Once her husband
came home and saw his wife walk naked in the apartment.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Ah, you're ignorant of the new trends in fashion. This is just my new erotic
costume."
"Then at least iron it."
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():love jokes (2491): TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR AMISH TEEN IS IN TROUBLE |
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| Posted by Brandon S. Laboon on 10-Aug-2005 | TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR AMISH TEEN IS IN TROUBLE10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, 'cause the beard ain't
listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of
cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
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():love jokes (2491): SIGNS YOU PUT YOUR KID IN THE WRONG PRE-SCHOOL |
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| Posted by S Patel on 10-Aug-2005 | SIGNS YOU PUT YOUR KID IN THE WRONG PRE-SCHOOL* Child comes home without glasses claiming to have lost them in a game of
"Lord of the Flies."
* Your son thinks making hand-puppets requires a paper bag, some water paints,
and no pants.
* "OK, kids! Gather 'round the pentagram for sing-a-long time!"
* Potty training involves a lighter, a clip and rolling papers.
* No student has ever jumped from Mary Margaret's School for the Gender
Ambiguous directly into the NBA.
* Practice of "trapping and killing your lunch" not mentioned in brochure.
* Leather-clad teacher announces that today's letters are S and M.
* The classroom hamster is really just a wad of cotton from an aspirin bottle.
* She can't say her ABC's, but she can re-sole your Nikes in 20 seconds flat.
* Even the baby bottles have pierced nipples.
* For snack time, it's always anchovies and Clamato.
* "Do-Bee" always seems to have the munchies.
* The teacher sends home a note reading, "Your snot-nosed little bastard keeps
getting into my tequila."
* On the first day, the children are divided into "pimps" and "hos."
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| Posted by ryan sanders on 10-Aug-2005 | THE INHERITANCETwo friends meet in the street. One looked forlorn and almost on the verge of
tears. The other man said, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved
in?"
The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and
left me forty thousand dollars."
"That's not bad."
"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew
kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."
"I'd like that."
"Last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a
million."
"The how come you look so glum?"
"This week - nothing!"
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| Posted by Patrick Reyes on 10-Aug-2005 | SONSFour guys were telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves to go to the restroom.
Three guys are left... The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was going
to be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns
out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that
he bought the dealership. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best
friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started out
raking leaves for a realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a
commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact
he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his
birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. MY son started out sweeping floors in a
brokerage firm. Well, HE got a break, they made HIM a broker, and now he owns
the brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just gave HIS best friend $1
million in stock for his birthday."
The fourth guy comes back from the restroom. The first three explain that they
are telling stories about their kids so he says, "Well, I'm embarrassed to admit
that my son IS a major disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser and is
STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact I just found out that he's gay and
has SEVERAL boyfriends. But I try to look at the bright side; his boyfriends
just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house and $1 million in stock for his
birthday."
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| Posted by John A. Bennett on 10-Aug-2005 | British attorneyA young British attorney came to his office all in bruises and scratches.
"What happened to you?' a colleague asked.
"Oh, it's some bloody story. Yester eve, I came home from the club, and what I
see in my dining room! There was that frog. Just a small female frog. I took a
seat at the table, when she said in perfect English, 'If you're a gentleman,
shouldn't you offer me a seat at your table?' Surprised as I was, being a
gentleman, I did as she asked. I took a swig of brandy, and she said, 'No brandy
for me?' Well, as a gentleman, I poured brandy for her, and the bloody frog
drank it in one gulp. Then I had a slice of a pudding, and she said, 'What about
me?' What would you do? Of course, as a gentleman, I shared the pudding with
her. Then I undressed and went to bed. The bloody frog said, 'What about me?'
So, I took her into the bed. As soon as she was in the bed, she at once
transformed into a young lady, and completely naked to that! At that time my
wife unexpectedly walked in. I told her the entire story, but she wouldn't
believe me!"
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