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| Posted by Draco Malfoy on 09-Aug-2005 | Escaped ConvictAn escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy night-gown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn`t seen a woman in years.
Just co-operate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I`m so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a really nice ass."
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| Posted by playn on 09-Aug-2005 | Compliment HerThere are these two highschool boys at the prom. The first one says to the other..
"My dates really hot and wants to go out to my car, but I'm afraid I'll screw it up"
His friend tells him
"Don't worry! Just compliment her. Girls love compliments."
He says ok and leaves. About 15 minutes later he returns rubbing a black eye.
"What happened! Didn't you say nice things to her?"
"Yea, I did, but it didn't work."
"What did you say?"
"When we first got in the car, we started kissing. I told her that for such full lips, they sure were sweet. She liked that. Then I started feeling her tits. I told her that for such large breasts, they sure were firm. She really liked that.
Things were going really good then. I got her skirt up and panties off and told her, for such a large crack, it sure didn't stink much. Then she hit me!"
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| Posted by Patrick J. Beverly on 09-Aug-2005 | Teenage DaughtersThere's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters...
The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."
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| Posted by Nikki on 09-Aug-2005 | Just Wear SomethingThe young bride's mother had some old fashioned ideas of marriage, and passed them on to her daughter.
"Never let your husband see you in the nude," she advised.
"You should always wear something."
"Yes, mother," replied the obedient girl.
Two weeks after the wedding, the girl and her brand-new husband were preparing to retire when the guy asked, "Dear, has there ever been any insanity in your family?"
"Not that I know of," she answered.
"Why?
"Well, we've been married for two weeks now and every night you've worn that silly hat to bed."
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| Posted by Karkas on 09-Aug-2005 | Benefits of sexBe sure to read the warning at the bottom.
Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually active or not?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women
make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair
shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than
swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages
saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that
causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release
the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original is in a room in Palaiseau. It has been sent around the world nine times.
Now sex has been sent to you. The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on.
If you don't, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off.
This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn't?). Don't send money, as the fate of your genitals has no price.
Do not keep this message.
This message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours. Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days.
Since the copy must tour the world, you must send it. This is true, even if you are not superstitious. GOOD SEX, but please remember: 10 copies of this message must leave your e-mail in 96 hours or you will not have good sex again for the rest of your life!!!!
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| Posted by Danica R. Lee on 09-Aug-2005 | Looks good...There is this guy named Leon.
One day Leon decided to go for walk.
He runs into his old neighbor Joe.
"Hey Leon yous looking good" Joe says.
"I feels good" said Leon
"But Leon you smells bad" said Joe
Well Leon kept on going, he then ran into his preacher.
"Hey Leon yous looking good" said The preacher.
"I feels good" said Leon.
"But Leon you smells bad" said the preacher.
"That is what Joe said earlier, I think I will go to the doctors".
Well Leon goes to the doctors.
"You looks good Leon" said the doc.
"I feels good" said Leon.
"But you smells bad Leon" said the doc.
"That's why I am here" said Leon.
Ok the doc got his book, "Looks good, feels good, smells good, nope thats not it"
"Looks good, feels bad, smells good, nope thats not it either"
"Here it is looks good, feels good, smells bad"
"Well Leon, I hate to break it to you, but you are a pussy"
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