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| Posted by Witty One on 09-Aug-2005 | Eskimo Engine TroubleAn Eskimo has his snowmobile breakdown while riding past a small town in Alaska. He takes it to the repair shop and is told to come back in about an hour.
When he come back, the mechanic say "It looks like you have blown a seal"
The Eskimo says "No, that's just a little frost on my moustache."
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| Posted by nutmegg on 09-Aug-2005 | How'd You Get the bruisesJill went to her doctor for a check-up. when asked how she got the bruises on the outside of her thighs, she explained that she got them from having sex.
The doctor then told her she would have to change positions until the bruises healed.
Jill replied "Oh doctor, I can't... my dog's breath is just murder."
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| Posted by Arf on 09-Aug-2005 | What Are They ThinkingAt the exact same time there are two young men on opposite sides of the Earth. One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers. The other is receiving oral sex from a 98 year old woman.
They are both thinking to themselves the exact same thing. What are they both thinking?
The answer is below, but think about it first...
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Answer: Don't look down.
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| Posted by Braelyn Garin on 09-Aug-2005 | Sex with my Teacher!A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.
She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned.
"You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."
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| Posted by Amanda S. Fletcher on 09-Aug-2005 | The Farting CompetitionLittle Harley kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behaviour, Little Harley said, "I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact."
The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?"
Little Harley agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Harley dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, and there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper.Harley was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Harley peeked up underneath her skirt.
"No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly, "you've got a Double-Barrel!"
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| Posted by Big Dadddy on 09-Aug-2005 | The Wire BrushAn army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.
He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!"
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