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| Posted by Warlock Z on 09-Aug-2005 | Essex girlAt a divorce hearing, the wife's barrister asked the Essex girl whom he was cross examining:
"So, Sharon. On the night of November 23rd last year, at approximately 01:30am, in the place known as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant, my client's husband, have sexual intercourse with you?"
"Yeah, he did," whispered the Essex girl, her head bowed.
"And on that occasion, did the defendant, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?" the barrister went on.
"Oh no," she answered. "I fink 'e 'ad one of them fancy Mitsubishis."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Jessica Tedesco on 09-Aug-2005 | Visiting New YorkTwo small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference.
There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside.
One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance.
When the 1st guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.
"Where ya been?" he slurred.
"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Yo Momma on 09-Aug-2005 | Gas GrillA couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together.
As the wife was bending over pulling weeds the husband said, "Hey honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now."
The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt.
"Yep," he said, "Just what I thought, just about the same size."
The wife got very incensed and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.
That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, "How about it, hon? How about a little lovemaking?"
The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. "What's the matter?" he asked.
To which she replied, "You don't think I'm going to fire up this big gas grill for one little weenie, do you?"
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Nathan Burns on 09-Aug-2005 | MonicaA guy walks into his local bordello and picks out a girl. They go back to her room and start to discuss prices.
She says "It's $100 for a blow job, $200 for straight sex, and $250 for a Monica."
"What's a Monica?" he asks.
"That's where I blow you now and screw you later," she answers.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by hottsk8er on 09-Aug-2005 | AnginaTwo residents of an old people's home are getting it on.
The woman stops and says to the old man, "I think I ought to warn you I have acute angina."
The old man looks at her and says: "Yeah, and your boobs aren't bad either!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by john on 09-Aug-2005 | ElevatorThree guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator. While they are stuck they strike up a conversation.
The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E you know....
Young, urban, professional, peacefull, intelligent, ecologist."
The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y, you know...
Double Income, No kids, Yet!"
The third guy says. "I'm a R.U.B, you know....
Rich, Urban , Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her ,
"What are you?"
She replies: "I'm a W.I.F.E., you know....
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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