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| Posted by Nathan Burns on 14-Aug-2005 | Everyone's a LesbianA young man walks into a bar and notices two lovely young blond women sitting down. He approaches the bar tender and asks: "Excuse me could I'd like to buy those two ladies a couple of drinks."
But the bar tender gives him a funny look and answers, "I'm not so sure that is a good idea. You see they're lesbians."
"Sorry Mr. Bartender, but I don't know what you're talking about."
And the bartender responded, "Why don't you go over there and ask them?"
So the young man walked over to the women and asked, "I hear you are lesbians, what does that mean?"
And one answered politely, "we'll we like to kiss, suck each others tits...."
And the young man yells to the bar tender, "Hey get us three drinks here for us lesbians!"
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():sex jokes (1888): Reasons why Chocolate is Better than Sex |
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| Posted by Father Baker on 14-Aug-2005 | Reasons why Chocolate is Better than Sex1. You can GET chocolate
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to
6. You can have chocolate even in front f your mother
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names
9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate
10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting coworkers
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped
12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate
13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it
14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant
15. You can have chocolate any time of month
16. Good chocolate is easy to find
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate
19. When you have chocolate is does not keep your neighbors awake
20. With chocolate size doesn't matter.
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| Posted by Kuhrsartep on 14-Aug-2005 | Making SandwichesThis guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 9 years old. One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his gal climb up to the top bunk.
As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper, "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position. "Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, pull it out,"
She screams out..."I can't get pregnant...aaahhhhhhhh"!
Then the little brother chimes in, "Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there, you're getting mayonnaise all over my face."
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| Posted by Cara E. Busch on 14-Aug-2005 | Uncontrollable ErectionThis guy has a crush on a girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her he gets the biggest erection ever. There is nothing he can do to control it. After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up. This way he won't have to see her and he won't get too excited. He ends up asking her out and she says yes.
He figures what he'll do is tie his penis to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it. He gets to her house. When he knocks on her door, she answers the door in a sheer teddy.
He kicks her in the face
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| Posted by Lary on 14-Aug-2005 | Good Luck, Mr. GorskyIt seems when Apollo Mission Astronaut, Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks - usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control.
Before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut, however, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian nor American space programs. Over the years many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant.
A few months ago, (Jul 05, Tampa Bay FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. He finally responded.
It seems that Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors bedroom window. His neighbors were Mr and Mrs. Gorksy.
As he leaned down to pick it up, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex, oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
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():sex jokes (1888): The Top 14 Dream Wrestling Matches |
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| Posted by matt on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Dream Wrestling Matches14. Michael "The Glove" Jackson -vs- George "The Hand" Michael
13. Bob "Hacksaw" Villa -vs- Martha "Doily Queen" Stewart
12. "The First Lady" -vs- "The Most Recent Lady"
11. Edward Scissorhands -vs- John Bobbit
10. Carrot Top -vs- Bugs Bunny
9. Drescher -vs- Gottfried -- in a Zero-Contact Whine-a-thon Death Cage Match!
8. Arnold Schwarzenegger -vs- The English Language
7. Pat "Captain Vanilla" Sajak -vs- Alex "Oh, I'm Sorry" Trebek
6. Bill "The Adulterer" Clinton -vs- Bill "The Atoner" Clinton
5. Monica "Hummer" Lewinsky -vs- Orrin "We Still Call it Sodomy in This State" Hatch
4. The Norelco Santa -vs- The Mach3 Studmuffin
3. Vanilla Ice -vs- The Crips
2. Ron "McBigfoot" McDonald -vs- Colonel "Open A Can o' Whup-Ass" Sanders
1. The predominately female and nearly naked "Baywatch" cast -vs- The predominately male and socially awkward Top5 contributors
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
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