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| Posted by Dick Day on 08-Aug-2005 | Executive DecisionsWhile away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, the executive found himself unable to perform.
On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.
Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection.
Looking down at this, he snarled, "Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch. Now I know why they call you a prick!"
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| Posted by Thai on 08-Aug-2005 | Mowing The LawnOne Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung."
I calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass.
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| Posted by Sarah P. Hazlett on 08-Aug-2005 | Perfect DaveMorris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."
"Who?"
"Dave Aronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave."
"There are always a few clouds over everybody," says Morris.
"Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."
"He was something, huh?"
"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and I black out the whole neighborhood."
"No wonder you remember him."
"Well, I never actually met Dave."
"Then how do you know so much about him?" asks Morris.
"Because I married his widow."
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| Posted by Mandy B on 08-Aug-2005 | Three Rings of MarriageTheir are three rings that make up a marriage:
engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering
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| Posted by Sameo X. Sameo on 08-Aug-2005 | PrioritiesA man was in a terrible car accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and literally torn from his body (Ouch!). He was quickly rushed to the hospital...
Doctor Schwartz assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood and even better than before! "But," his doctor said, "the insurance companies don't cover the surgery, since it is considered cosmetic."
Doctor Schwartz explained that the cost would be $3,500.00 for the "small" version, $6,500.00 for the "medium," and $14,000.00 for the "whopper."
The man said that he was positive that he wanted the largest penis.
Doctor Schwartz strongly urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision, since she also should be asked about what actually would give her the most pleasure.
As the doctor left the room, the man quickly called his wife on the phone and explained all their options.
A little while later Doctor Schwartz returned to his patient's room, and found the man looking quite dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the Doctor.
The man somberly answered, "She decided that she'd rather use all of the money to remodel the kitchen!"
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| Posted by Trent Reeve on 08-Aug-2005 | Dangerous FoodA dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.'
The man lowered his head and said, 'Wedding cake.'
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