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| Posted by M Grice on 14-Aug-2005 | Explosive BodyOne day this couple had finally decided to have sex. They went
into the bedroom, and he put her on the bed.
He then proceded to remove his shirt, flexing his biceps. She
started to moan, "Oooh baby what's that?" "These honey, these
are called TNT." he replied.
Next he started to bounce and flex his pectorials (chest
muscles). She started to really get horny now, "Ooooooooh baby
what are those?" "These honey, these are land mines." he boasted.
Slowly taking off his pants, he started to flex his leg muscles.
By this time she was all wet and rubbing on herself,
"Oooooooooooooooh uuuuuuh ooooooh baby what are those?" All big
headed and macho he said, "These my love slave, these are
granade launchers."
Then taking off his underwear she screamed, "Aaaaaah!" and ran
right out of the room. He quickly threw on some clothes and
chased her down, "Hey sweety why did you run out of the room so
fast?" She replied, panting, "With all those explosives, I
thought you were going to explode with such a short fuse."
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| Posted by Kristian J. Mercer on 14-Aug-2005 | Strap It DownThis guy has a problem and goes to the doctor. The doctor asks,
"What's the problem?" The guy pulls down his pants and pulls out
his rather large and fat penis. The doctor asks, "That's your
problem?" The guy replies, "Yes. Everytime I go on a date I
smell the girl's perfume and when we get close I get this tent
in my pants and it scares the girl off!" The doctor says, "I
can't give medication for this. But I have a suggestion. Next
time you go on a date try strapping it to your leg and that
should hold it down."
A couple of days later the doctor ran into the guy on the street
and asked, "So, how did it go?"
The guy replied, "I strapped it to my leg like you told me. Then
I went on the date with the girl and everything was going well
until it came time to take her home. I walked her up to the
porch and she told me that she had a great time. Then we kissed.
While kissing she dropped her purse. When she bent down to pick
it up I got a shot down her shirt and I got excited and kicked
her right in the face!"
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| Posted by Cinder60 on 14-Aug-2005 | Magic FrogA man with a 25 inch penis went to his doctor and complained he
was unable to establish an intimate relationship with a lady due
to his size. "Doctor," he asked in total frustration, "is there
any way you can shorten it?" The doctor replied, "medically son,
nothing can be done; but, I know of a witch who may be able to
help you", and he gave him directions to the witch's house.
The man calls upon the witch and explains his dilemma: "Witch,
my penis is 25 inches long, so I cannot establish an intimate
relationship with a lady?" The witch stares in amazement,
scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I have a solution
to your problem. You need to go deep in the forest to Hidden
Pond. You will see a frog sitting on a log who can solve your
dilemma. You must ask the frog, 'will you marry me?' Each time
the frog says 'NO' to your proposal, your penis will shrink five
inches."
The man couldn't hide his excitement as he dashed into the
forest and located Hidden Pond. He called out to the frog, "will
you marry me?" The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied,
"NO!" The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches
shorter. "WOW," he screamed, "this is great!! But it's still too
long at 20 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again."
"Frog, will you marry me?", he shouted. The frog rolled its eyes
back in its head and screamed back, "NO!" The man felt another
twitch in his penis, looked down, and it shrank another 5
inches. The man reflected, "this is fantastic, but 15 inches is
still a monster; just a little shorter would be ideal".
Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will
you marry me?" The frog looked back across pond shaking its head
in disgust, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO! ... NO!
... and for the last time, NO!"
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| Posted by Chell Clark on 14-Aug-2005 | Grannie FarterA little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem
with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and
are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times
since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because
they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see, take these
pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes
back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now
my farts although still silent stink terribly." The doctor says, "Good!!!
Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
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| Posted by gilbert on 14-Aug-2005 | How could I ever repay you?A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's
face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin
from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered
to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was
suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and
wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin
came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their
secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the
woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had
before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about
her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome
with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to
thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could
ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the
thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the
cheek."
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| Posted by Heather on 14-Aug-2005 | Laugh at the Pregnant LadyA young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and
he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth
move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.
The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in
such a manner, the man replied, "When the lady boarded the bus I
couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an
advertisement which read, 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.'
Then she moved under one that read, 'Sloans Liniments Remove
Swelling.' I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving
advertisement which read, 'William's Stick Did The Trick.' Then
I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move
she sat under an advertisement which read, 'Dunlop Rubber would
have prevented this accident.'" He won the case.
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