|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Courtney A. Owen on 09-Aug-2005 | EyebrowsAn extremely ugly man was sitting in a bar having a drink with his friend, who is his polar opposite. In fact, he may be the most handsome man in town.
The two of them are discussing a beautiful blonde girl sitting at the bar.
The handsome man said, "Boy, I sure would like to get some of that."
The ugly man said, "Go ahead, go for it."
The handsome man said, "There's no way, she won't go with anybody, I've tried many times."
The ugly man said, "I think I could go out with her if I wanted to."
The handsome man laughed and said, "If she won't go out with me, she sure as hell won't go out with you."
Ugly said, "I'll bet you fifty bucks she'll go with me."
Handsome says, "You're on!"
Ugly says, "OK, just leave the money with the bartender and I'll pick it up later."
He walks up to the girl, starts talking and then turned around and walked out of the bar, with the girl right behind him.
The handsome man couldn't believe it. He went up to the bar and asked the bartender, "What happened? What did he say to her?"
The bartender told him, "Well, he didn't say much. He just said it's a nice night for a walk. And then he licked his eyebrows and left."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci and yisman
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by ahley lawson on 09-Aug-2005 | ThorOne night the Norse God, Thor was feeling a bit horny, so he decided to come down to earth to satisfy his needs.
He picked up a good looking woman with a great body and they went to her apartment.
The girl's only defect was that she had a speech impediment, but the sex was good, nonetheless.
They went at it hot and heavy all night long.
In the morning, Thor had to leave so he decided he should at least tell her his name, so he said to her, "I'm Mighty Thor and I have to leave now."
She looked at him and said, "You're thore? I'm tho thore I can hardly pith."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Lary on 09-Aug-2005 | Perfect dietREMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent... 12 calories
Without partner's consent... 187 calories
UNHOOKING BRA
Using two calm hands... 7 calories
Using one trembling hand... 36 calories
GETTING INTO BED
Lifting partner... 1.5 calories
Dragging partner along floor... 16 calories
Using skateboard... 3 calories
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS
For normal healthy man... 2.5 calories
Losing erection... 14 calories
Searching for it... 115 calories
PUTTING ON CONDOM
With erection... 1.5 calories
Without erection... 300 calories
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM
If the woman who does it is:
Experienced... 6 calories
Inexperienced... 73 calories
If a man does it... 650 calories
Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room.
POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS
Bouncing... 7 calories
Sliding around... 9 calories
Serious skidding... 12 calories
Whiplash... 27 calories
ORGASM
Real... 27 calories
Faked... 160 calories
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE
Shoes flew off... 35 calories
Expression didn't change... 0.5 calories
Orchestra swelled... 6 calories
Birds sang:
Large birds... 7 calories
Small birds... 3 calories
Earth moved... 30 calories
PULLING OUT
After orgasm... 0.5 calories
A few moments before orgasm... 500 calories
PENIS ENVY
For woman... 3 calories
For men... 72 calories
GUILT
Banging your boss for a promotion... 30 calories
Sex during a 'sickie'... 10 calories
Bonking each other with parents in other room... 7 calories
Putting it on your expense account... 9 calories
AGGRAVATION
Partner keeps showing plant... 5 calories
Partner insists on dog cuddling during foreplay... 14 calories
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time... 10 calories
Partner is taking phone calls... 7 calories
Partner is making phone calls... 40 calories
GETTING CAUGHT
By partner's spouse... 60 calories
By your spouse... 100 calories
Trying to explain... 55 calories
Trying to remain calm... 100 calories
Leaping out of bed... 75 calories
Getting dressed in one motion... 500 calories
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by dodo zhang on 09-Aug-2005 | DischargeA young lady walks into a doctors office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a terrible discharge."
The doctor lays her down, lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and asks her, "How does that feel?"
The young lady replies, "Oooh doctor, that feels lovely... but the discharge is from my ear!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Wilhelmina C. Ostag on 09-Aug-2005 | PieWhat's really good on cherry pie and really bad on pussy?
Crust!
Submitted by Curtis
Editted by yisman
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by cooter on 09-Aug-2005 | RefrigeratorDid you hear why the fag put his ass in the refrigerator?
So that his boyfriend would have something cool to slip into when he came home.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
