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| Posted by Samantha kicks arse on 12-Aug-2005 | Eye-Popping Tongue TwisterA guy boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.
He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours?
Other guy: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident.
See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the hugest tits in the world was there. So, instead of saying 'I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh', I accidentally said 'I'd like a Picket to Tittsburgh.' And then she socked me one."
First guy: "Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: 'Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties.' But I accidentally said:
'You ruined my life you fuckin' bitch!'"
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():love jokes (2491): The Perfect Woman would say... |
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| Posted by Katie Mackle on 12-Aug-2005 | The Perfect Woman would say...The Perfect Woman would say:
1. I'll swallow it all . . . I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
5. God..if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
16. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother did a great job raising you.
18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
19. I understand fully...our anniversary comes every year. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever.
20. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
21. Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
24. That was a great fart! Do another one!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya...
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| Posted by Carla J. Hicks on 12-Aug-2005 | Oh la la!A couple's having dinner in a restaurant when their waitress, standing a few tables away, watches as the guy slides all the way down his chair and out of sight. The woman across from him seems to not notice.
The waitress comes over and says, "Excuse me, Ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman says, "No he didn't, he just walked in the door."
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| Posted by deisra on 12-Aug-2005 | WeddingShe offered her honor, He honored her offer, And so all night long,
it was on-her and off-er!
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| Posted by Gene Geller on 12-Aug-2005 | Listening PassivelyThere were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, "'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man."
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| Posted by Sabri Al-Safi on 12-Aug-2005 | The Bus BenchThere were three guys waiting for a bus on a bench when the first guy farts,
'WHOOOSSHHHHH....'
No one brought attention to it. Then suddenly the second guy farts,
'WHOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH........'
Again, no one thought anything of it until the third guy let one,
'PPPPPPPPUUUUUUHHHHHHHH...'
The first two guys then looked at the third guy and simultaneously said, "STRAIGHT."
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