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| Posted by LilSexyDevil13 on 09-Aug-2005 | FairGround RevivalA guy is walking through a fairground one day, when he notices a stunning redhead sprawled on the ground unconscious. Kneeling next to the beauty, he lightly slaps her face. No response. Then he rubs her wrists. Nothing. He even tries mouth to mouth. The gorgeous woman does not respond. Finally, the guy takes another tack. He unbuttons the girl's blouse,and slides it off her body. Then, unhooking her bra, he begins to massage and fondle her firm, soft breasts.
The girl begins to moan and gasp in pleasure, her nipples stiffening, and finally her eyes flutter open.
"Oh thank you," she sighs. Looking down at the guy's hands, still massaging her tits, she goes on.
"Tell me, how did you think of such a novel way to revive me?"
"It wasn't my idea," he says.
"That guy over there kept shouting, "Rubber balloons ..... Rubber balloons
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| Posted by Warlock Z on 09-Aug-2005 | Ky Jelly PleasureMy sister's boyfriend came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, She smothered it all over the doorknobs... and he couldn't get back in.
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| Posted by Thuh Viper on 09-Aug-2005 | What's The DiffeWhat's the difference between a nymphomaniac, a hooker and a wife ?
The nympho says "You're done already?"
The hooker says "Are you done yet?"
And the wife says "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
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| Posted by Lisa M. Allen on 09-Aug-2005 | Penis PoemThe Joy Of Having A Dick
I'll tell you a short poem; I'll try to make it quick. The subject is quite simple: The joy of having a dick.
Penises are super things; You ladies should be jealous. An organ surrounded by sensitive skin. That's smooth and rarely hairless
It starts to grow dramatically, When you're about thirteen. Your testicles on either side; Your willy in between.
It dangles neatly down below; Soft, obedient and loyal. At the slightest hint of lust, It's ready to uncoil.
It often has a mind all of its own; It's like a wild untamed beast. It squirms and writhes and stretches out; When you expect it least.
Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves; Erecting when it shouldn't. A bumpy train ride sets it off; Just when you wish it wouldn't.
And during the summer, wearing little, sunning on the beach. The slightest sight of shaking boobs Makes it squirm just like a leech.
Handle it with love and care; For it can give great pleasure. Has it grown since last weekend? And when did you last measure?
Some people fret about its size; They give it lots of thought. Is seven inches long enough? It makes guys quite distraught.
They peek across in urinals, To compare and try to see But if another glances back at them. There's no way they can pee.
Masturbating is a sin; That's what some folk believe. But those are just old wives' tales; Cuz it really can relieve.
Without this fabulous organ, No shag would be complete. Lesbians will try their best; But must admit defeat.
It has to main bodily functions I'm sure you'll all agree. To start a whole new life and of course??¦ daily to pee
But I think the thing that's marvellous; About that one eyed brute. Is that when its trying to procreate, It knows which fluid to shoot
And always it remains with you; Until you're old and frail. Don't take it out in public though, or you'll be thrown in jail.
And so to summarise I'd say with certainty, that every male loves his little friend But girls, no matter what we do, Please don't fold, spindle mutilate and NEVER NEVER Bend!!!
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| Posted by Paul Kloc on 09-Aug-2005 | Lost SpermThere are two sperm and they're swimming and swimming and swimming for what seems like forever. They're starting to get tired and one sperm says to the other, "Do you think we should pull over and ask for directions?"
The other sperm replies, "Naaaahhhhh, we can find it."
So, they keep swimming. Finally, they see another sperm, who's looks almost dead, and decide to stop and ask for directions. They ask, "Do you think you can help us get to where we are going?"
The almost dead sperm says, "I'll try, where ya going?"
The two sperms reply, "Well, we're trying to find the fallopian tubes so that we can try and fertilise the egg."
The almost dead sperm just starts laughing. The other two sperms look at one another, somewhat confused, and ask, "What's so funny?"
The almost dead sperm finally regains his composure and replies, "Well, you guys have a long way to go...... you're still in the oesophagus."
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| Posted by dave gammell on 09-Aug-2005 | The Evening's JuSOn their way home after celebrating their 25th. anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening.
"Oh. it's not over yet", says he.
Once in the house, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation, "But what are these two little pills?"
"Aspirin", says he.
"But I don't have a headache," says she.
"There you are, I told you the evening wasn't over yet," says he.
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