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| Posted by Kelley Norgard on 09-Aug-2005 | Fairground SexA woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his flat, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and hug bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and have rampant nookie.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The bloke says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."
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| Posted by Prankster (Jake) on 09-Aug-2005 | Two Dwarfs and HookeTwo dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two hookers and take them back to their separate hotel rooms. When they get there, the first dwarf strips down but no matter how hard he tries, he is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUHhhh!!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first,"How did it go?"
The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head.
"You think that's embarrassing? *I* couldn't even get on the bed!"
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| Posted by Melissa Phillips on 09-Aug-2005 | This isn't UsualThe businessman got home at about 6pm. He'd barely got in the door when his wife greeted him with a passionate kiss.
Then she pulled him into the bedroom, shoved him down on the bed, unzipped his pants, and started to suck on him.
The man stared at her for a minute, then grimaced.
"All right, Doris," he said, "what have you done to the car this time?"
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| Posted by Tiger Lily on 09-Aug-2005 | The Power of BrandinYou go to a party and you see a sexy girl across the room. You go up to her and say "Hi, I'm great in bed, how about it?"
That's direct marketing.
You go to a party and you see a sexy girl across the room. You give your friend a tenner. He goes up and says "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?"
That's advertising.
You go to a party, you see a sexy girl across the room. She comes over and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed, how about it?"
Now........ that's The Power of Branding!
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| Posted by Bubble Angel on 09-Aug-2005 | The Cat and the SausOne day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage.
The cat was feeling quite happy so as the water wasn't that deep he reached in with his little paw, hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day the cat was walking through the park again and peered into the pond. There was another sausage in the pond but this time it was a normal sized one, so the cat reached in. This time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day things go basically the same and the cat again looks into the pond. There he found an enormous Cumberland sausage at the bottom for the pond. It looked so delicious but it was so deep that he had to really stretch to get it, then SPLASH - he fell in.
The moral of the story is: The Bigger the Sausage, The Wetter the Pussy!
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| Posted by Brian M. Lowsley on 09-Aug-2005 | American ExpressA tourist approached a prostitute in the back streets of Soho in London
"How much?"
he asked
"It'll cost ya twenty quid" replied the tart
"American Express?"
he inquired
"You can go as fast as you like" she said
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