|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Caitlin E. Black on 12-Aug-2005 | Fairy talesSon:"Mom, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time' and 'long ago'?"
Mom:"No dear, sometimes they begin with 'honey, I was delayed at the office...'"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by mas on 12-Aug-2005 | Husband's ExcuseThe angry wife met her husband at the door.
There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?!"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Darmah G. Ontario on 12-Aug-2005 | Lovely giftA young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart along with this note:
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All my love,
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Matt N on 12-Aug-2005 | Baked BeansOnce upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for
baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a
very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent
that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet
and gentle man, but he would never go for this carrying on."
So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months
later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived
in the country she called her husband and told him that she would
be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small
diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk
off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the ? diner and before she knew it, she had
consumed three large orders of baked beans. She putt-putted all the
way home, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could
control any lingering effects.
Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She
seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from
his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the
blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the
pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was
out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to
one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
rotten egg gone worse.
When her husband returned, he instructed her to remove her
blindfold. And when she did, 50 people around her said "Surprise!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Domini V. Cunningham on 12-Aug-2005 | 2 men and a woman...What happens when you have :
2 Italian men a 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2
German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek man and 1 Greek woman 2
English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian
woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 American men and 1
American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the
middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred :
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in
a menage ? trois.
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they
alternate with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the
English woman.
The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look
at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming.
The 2 American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while
the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own,
the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can
do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of
household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and
treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is
improving. But at least the taxes are low and it is not raining.
The 2 Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for
instructions.
The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and by
setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the
picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of
coconut whiskey, but they are satisfied in that at least the English
are not getting any!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Jordan Chong on 12-Aug-2005 | Bad News...A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be notified immediately.
After about a week of no news the business man received a telegram:
"The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn't show up yesterday..."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
