|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Amanda Hugandkiss on 09-Aug-2005 | Fake being sickWhat do kids do when they fake sick?
They watch TV.
They play video games.
They have parties.
What do Adults do when they get sick?
They go around the house naked and flash themselves when a hottie comes or
Call up all their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends and fuck them all up.
Submitted by Lol_Girl_72
Edited by Curtis
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by paytbidd on 09-Aug-2005 | Kick the catLittle boy had a bad day at school, stomping through the yard he kicks the cow, after a few more steps he kicks a pig.
His mother watching said " Young man, just for that you don't get any beef or pork for a week!"
Just then his father comes up to the porch, going up the steps the dad kicks the cat.
The little boy turns to his mother and asks, "Are you going to tell him or should I??
Submitted by Curtis
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Emily A. Swatkowski on 09-Aug-2005 | NumbIt's Robin's first time at the gynecologist.
The doctor leads her to the stirrups, and as she sits down, she's scared to death.
"You're nervous aren't you?" asks the gynecologist.
"Yes," admits the girl. "I've never been to the gynecologist before."
"Well, then," he says, "Would you like me to numb you down there?"
"Please."
So he sticks his nose between her legs and goes, "Num, num, num, num. . . ."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Jessica K. Alldredge on 09-Aug-2005 | Don't lie to MomJohn invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."
Lesson of the day...Don't Lie To Your Mother.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Jennelle R. Mendelson on 09-Aug-2005 | Russa vs the USABefore the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.
He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!"
The wrestler nodded in agreement.
Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!
A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.
Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air.
The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face.
I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Kendra Gruber on 09-Aug-2005 | Wet pussyOne spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot below the surface of a lake and saw a fly hovering just out of striking distance.
The fish said to itself, "If that fly comes six inches closer, I'll jump up and have myself a meal." Just then, a bear on the shore of the lake looked up and said to itself, " If that fly gets any closer to that fish, the fish will jump up, and I'll catch the fish and have myself a meal."
As luck would have it, a hunter saw what was happening. He thought to himself, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, and I'll shoot the bear."
Just then, a rat was standing behind the hunter saying to itself," If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, the hunter will lean over to shoot the bear, and I'll grab the sandwich from the back pocket of the hunter.
However, unbeknownst to the rat, a cat was observing everything and thinking, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will grab the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the rat will grab the sandwich, and I'll snatch the rat."
At that very moment, the fly dropped a few inches, the fish grabbed the fly, the bear grabbed the fish, the hunter shot the bear, the rat grabbed the sandwich, the cat jumped, missed the rat and landed in the lake.
The moral of this story is:
If the fly drops six inches the pussy will get wet.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
