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():sex jokes (1888): Falling euphemisms


Posted by Big Jay on 13-Aug-2005

Falling euphemisms

An old priest was getting sick and tired of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday in the pulpit he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Everyone liked him, so the parishioners came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. The priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."


   

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():sex jokes (1888): Virgin wedding


Posted by sg on 13-Aug-2005

Virgin wedding

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby to be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" and she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?

The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping." The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"


   

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():sex jokes (1888): If you can read this joke...


Posted by Curly on 13-Aug-2005

If you can read this joke...

A modest young lady had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, 'If you can read this, you're too damned close' embroidered on her panties and bra.

"Yes, madam," said the clerk, "I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?"

"Braille!" she replied.


   

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():sex jokes (1888): Plumber's dilemma


Posted by frank on 13-Aug-2005

Plumber's dilemma

A plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived, he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite beautiful and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly.

About 5:30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, putting down the phone. "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off."

The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. "What? On my own time?"


   

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():sex jokes (1888): Sunbathing on the roof


Posted by Mara - on 13-Aug-2005
Sunbathing on the roof
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."


   

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():sex jokes (1888): Playing Doctor


Posted by Matt J. Kovich on 13-Aug-2005
Playing Doctor
Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring. "Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour? That's what I do," said Irving.

"Sounds great," Morris replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"

"Just keep her in the waiting room for 55 minutes!"


   

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