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| Posted by Jake Russell on 09-Aug-2005 | Famous Sex Quotes"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Steve Martin
"You know that look women get when they want sex?
. . .Me neither."
--Drew Carey
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have
a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Unknown
"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
--Rodney Dangerfield
"My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it
kind of hard for him to come out of the closet."
--Bill Kelly
"As the French say, there are three sexes-men, women
and clergymen." -- Rev. Sydney Smith
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date
on Saturday night."
--Woody Allen
"Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly
gifted aren't burdened with children."
--Sam Austin
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
--George Burns
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of
getting married."
--Matt Barry
"Leaving sex to the clergy is like letting your dog
vacation at the taxidermist."
--Camille Paglia
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--George Burns
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| Posted by Jack O. Farrelly on 09-Aug-2005 | Good Vs Bad GirlsGood girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons
Good girls wax their floors
Bad girls wax their bikini line
Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
Bad girls know they could do it better
Good girls wear white cotton panties
Bad girls don't wear any
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls
Good girls pack their toothbrush
Bad girls pack their diaphragms
Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it
Bad girls own only one bra and rarely use it
Good girls wear high heels to work
Bad girls wear high heels to bed
Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place
Good girls prefer the missionary position
Bad girls do too, but only for starters
Good girls say no
Bad girls say when?
Good girls go to the party, go home, then go to bed.
Bad girls go to the party, go to bed and then go home.
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| Posted by michael on 09-Aug-2005 | Peanut In The EarOne evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.
The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"
The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"
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| Posted by Cameron d. Peckham on 09-Aug-2005 | Bob in AccountingThe company president called the chief security guard into his office.
"Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop."
Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't' do it again."
The company president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that." Chuck's face lit up.
"Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was complaining!!!!"
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| Posted by Nichole Wong on 09-Aug-2005 | Naughty DentistThis woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth."
The woman then says with anticipated agony, "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!"
To which the dentist replies: "Well make up your mind. I have to adjust the chair."
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| Posted by Christine Phung on 09-Aug-2005 | Gone FishingTwo men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake."
"I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life!"
His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?"
"Oh, I did, but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing!"
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