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| Posted by Krazy Kin Kid on 13-Aug-2005 | Farm CoupleOnce there was an elderly couple that lived on a farm. One day the farmer came to his wife and grabbed her boobs.
He said, "If we could get milk out of these things, we could get rid of the cows."
The next day he approached her, grabbed her butt, and said, "If we could get eggs out of this thing, we could get rid of the chickens."
His wife turned around, reached between his legs, and said, "If you could get this hard, we could get rid of your brother."
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| Posted by Warlock Z on 13-Aug-2005 | Matter of comparisionA gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!!"
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| Posted by melanie on 13-Aug-2005 | In MourningSadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly calls her and urges her to get back into the world.
Finally, Sadie agrees to go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet." Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.
Their first night there she undresses. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He is in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. Her standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with this - a black condom?"
He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences."
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():sex jokes (1888): Viagra for the guy with three women |
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| Posted by John A. Bennett on 13-Aug-2005 | Viagra for the guy with three womenCrazy Mike walks into the pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Look, I've got three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, so what have you got to keep me horny and potent all night?"
The pharmacist reaches down, unlocks a bottom drawer and brings up a box labeled 'Viagra Extra Strength' containing single wrapped packets. He says, "Take one of these and you'll go crazy for 12 hours."
Crazy Mike replies, "Hell, gimme three"
The next day Mike returns to the same pharmacist, who smiles and asks, "Well, how'd it go?" In answer, Mike pulls down his pants, to display his penis that's black and blue and blistered, one of the sorriest sights the pharmacist had ever seen.
Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a tube of Ben Gay."
The pharmacist replies in horror. "You're not going to put Ben Gay on that are you?"
Mike replies, "Hell, no, it's for my arms. The girls didn't show up."
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