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| Posted by Katie Earle on 09-Aug-2005 | Farmer and muleA slightly retarded farmer has a farm up the coast of California. Unfortunately, there are no women around. He gets rather desperate, and decides to try out an old mule. He puts a stepladder behind the mule, lowers his pants, but then the mule walks forward. The farmer gets down off the ladder, moves it forward, and tries again, with the same outcome.
This process goes on for about 5 more iterations, until he finally gets the idea to lead the mule up to the ocean, so the mule can't walk away. When he gets on the ladder again, he hears a cry for help out to sea, and sees a drowning woman flailing her arms. He jumps off the ladder, swims out to rescue her, and drags her back in. The woman is totally nude, beautiful, and stacked as well.
After he revives her and nurses her back to health, she gazes into his eyes with her limpid blue eyes, and says
"Oh sir! I'm so thankful to you for saving my life! I'll do anything to repay you! Anything!!"
So he says to her; "Could you hold that mule for me?"
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| Posted by Kayla Rakes on 09-Aug-2005 | Little Red Riding HoOnce upon a time. Little Red Riding Hood's mother (being concerned about the increase in violence in rural America) gave Little Red a .45 caliber gun for protection. Little Red kept this gun in her basket.
One summer day while on the way to her grandmothers house, a big bad wolf jumped out from behind a tree and howled "I'm going to fuck your brains out!"
Little Red pulled out her gun from the basket and calmly replied: "Oh no you're not, you're going to eat me like the story says."
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| Posted by Evangeline Serrano on 09-Aug-2005 | Nice sheepy...A Montanan is driving down the road and suddenly sees this Californian hitch hiking. He pulls over offers him a lift and down the road they go. After a few miles they come across this sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The Montanan immediately pulls over and jumps out to check out the situation. After a minute he yanks out his dick and begins ramming the sheep from behind.
After awhile of doing this he calls out to the Californian who is still in the car, "Hey, you wanna give it a shot?"
The Californian shrugs his shoulders and says, "sure." He gets out of the car approaches the sheep and then sticks his head in the fence.
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| Posted by dave gammell on 09-Aug-2005 | Orange memberThis one guy goes to the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says "Hello, sir, what are you here for?"
The man replies "Doc, for a week I have had an orange dick!, it started scaring me so I came here"
The doctor then asks him "What have you been doing all week?"
The patient thought and replied "I have just been sitting around watching porno??™s and eating Chee-Toes"
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| Posted by Tom Johnson on 09-Aug-2005 | Duck in drug storeSo anyway, this duck walks into a drugstore and says, " Give me some Chap stick and put it on my bill".
Same duck walks into the same drugstore and says, " Give me a condom."
To which the druggist replies
"Do you want that on your bill?"
The duck says "No, I'm not that kind of duck."
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| Posted by Wes Bundy on 09-Aug-2005 | Chinese tortureA man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground.
The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning."
The old Chinese man counters "OK, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man."
"OK, OK" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life? Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience."
Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest".
"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle". The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bed post".
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