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():Body & Health (530): Fart Euphemisms


Posted by Kevin T. Cargill on 13-Aug-2005

Fart Euphemisms

Gravy Pants

Firing Scud Missiles

Turd Honking

Mud Duck

Panty Burps

Pant Stainers

Cut the Cheese

Trouser Cough

K-Fart

Crack Splitters

Turd Tooties

Anal Audio

Great Brown Cloud

Exercising the meat nozzle


   

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():Body & Health (530): In the restroom


Posted by Jeff Cohen on 13-Aug-2005

In the restroom

A navy seals and a marine walk into a restroom they both use the restroom. The navy seal washed his hands and the marine just walked out. The navy seal walks to him and says "In the navy they teach us to wash our hands."

The marine says, "In the marines the teach us not to piss on our hands."


   

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():Body & Health (530): A man went to a storefront psychic for some...


Posted by britt conrado on 13-Aug-2005

A man went to a storefront psychic for some...

A man went to a storefront psychic for some spiritual guidance. The man said, "There's a horrible dark cloud surrounding me."

"I know," said the psychic, "and for a hundred dollars, I can rid you of it."

The man, eager to be cured, handed over the money. The psychic then pulled out a book of matches and lit one.

The man said, "What do you call this dark and horrible curse?"

The psychic waved the match in front of his butt and said, "Mexican food."


   

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():Body & Health (530): Definitely Defining "Definitely"


Posted by danny on 13-Aug-2005

Definitely Defining "Definitely"

The kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.

When called upon the first student says " The sky is definitely blue".

The teacher said " Well that isn't entirely correct because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says" Grass is definitely green".

Teacher again replies " If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct".

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?".

The teacher replied, "No, and that is not a suitable question for class discussion".

The student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants".

submitted by: Nicole


   

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():Body & Health (530): A Mother's Tale of potty training


Posted by Wild Bill on 13-Aug-2005
A Mother's Tale of potty training
My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said "No."

I kept thinking, "Oh My, that child has had an accident and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have had, cause the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?" This time, with a little smirk on his face, he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled "See MOM, IT'S JUST GAS!!" While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing had happened. I was mortified!

But some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!


   

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():Body & Health (530): Constipation medicine


Posted by Velcro on 13-Aug-2005
Constipation medicine
A man wakes up screaming one day, picks up the phone and calls his wife who knew he was constipated the day before. When she picks up the phone he gripes, "That god damn laxative said guaranteed to work by 8 a.m.!"

His wife asks, "Well did it work?"

"Yes!" he screams. "But I didn't wake up until 9!"


   

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