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| Posted by Sarah Northington on 09-Aug-2005 | Farting on the BusScene: A crowded city bus.
Fat Lady: "PTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPT!!! aaaaaahhhhh. Guy in the set in front of her: (gag)
One block farther along: Fat Lady: "PTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPTPT!!!!" Guy: (opens window)
A minute later: Fat Lady: "PTPTPTPTPTPTPT! PTPTPTPTPT!"
A couple of blocks along: Fat Lady: "PTPTPTPT! Ptptptpt!" Guy: (Sticks his head out the window.)
Another minute: Fat Lady: "ptptpt. ptptpt."
A few minutes of silent stench later:
Fat broad: "Pardon me, sir, would you happen to have the morning paper?"
Guy: "No - but the next time we pass a tree I'll reach out and try to grab some leaves for you."
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| Posted by Nanci S. Newell on 09-Aug-2005 | Three Generations ofThere were three prostitutes living together: a mother, a daughter and a grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down.
"How did you do tonight, dear?"
asked her mother.
"Not too good."
replied the daughter, "I only got 20 dollars for a blow job"
"Wow!" said the mother, "In my day, we were glad to get 5 dollars for a blow job!"
"Good God!" said the Grandmother, "In my day, we were glad to just get something warm in our stomachs!"
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| Posted by Garbett on 09-Aug-2005 | Fishing TipsA man has been fishing on the bank of a river for hours without a nibble. A newcomer sits down 25 feet away, baits up and casts out. Not two minutes later, he gets a huge strike and lands a trophy. Again and again he baits, casts out and immediately catches a huge fish. The luckless man is now watching the new guy to see his secret. He sees that the man removes a piece of bait from a jar, inspects it carefully and smells it before putting it on the hook. He walks over to him and asks about the bait.
The man replies "This is very special bait indeed. I get it from a friend who is a mortician, he cuts the pussy lips off all the women that he works on. The fish really love 'em".
The luckless man asks "But why do you smell each one?"
"Well.."
he replies, " he's a real joker, sometimes he throws an asshole in there".
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| Posted by Boogyman J. Boogster on 09-Aug-2005 | Doctors PerksDave had felt guilty all day long. No matter how hard he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him, "Dave, don't worry about it, you weren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go!"
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Dave, you're a vet...."
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| Posted by Lindsey L. D on 09-Aug-2005 | Free BeersBruce and Joe were down on their luck and needed a beer.After checking their pockets and finding only 50 cents,Bruce came up with a brilliant idea."
I'll take the 50 cents and show you how we can drink all day for free!" He went into a butcher's shop and bought a single sausage,which he stuck in Joe's fly. They then went to a nearby bar.
"Two beers," said Bruce to the barman. They downed the beers as fast as they could and the barman waited for the money. All of a sudden, Bruce got down on his knees and began sucking the sausage hanging out of Joe's fly.
"Get out of my bar, you gay bastards!" the barman screamed and booted them out the door. They did this all day, going to about 16 bars and getting thrown out before paying for their beers.
"I just can't do this anymore," Bruce whined.
"My knees are getting sore from kneeling down on the floor so much. We'll have to swap places."
"We can't," said Joe.
"We lost the sausage after the third pub."
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| Posted by Renee Jones on 09-Aug-2005 | Getting Kinky...A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They are both really depressed. The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed."
"What a coincidence!" he said, "My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too."
So they start talking and they find that they have much in common so they decide to go to the woman's apartment and have kinky sex. When they arrive at her apartment, she tells him she needs a few minutes so she can slip into something more comfortable. She comes out of the bathroom with a tight, black leather outfit with a whip, handcuffs, a strap- on cock, and a 12 inch studded dildo. Then she hurries into the kitchen and comes out with Tabasco sauce, whipped cream, and a rolling pin. Then she notices that the man is putting on his coat and is walking towards the door.
"What's going on?"
, she asks.
"I thought you wanted to get kinky?"
He turns around and says, "I just fucked your dog and shit in your purse. I'm all done."
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