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| Posted by Chris Hammond on 10-Aug-2005 | Fast foodA friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to
place our order.
There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I
HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
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| Posted by Trisha Simone on 10-Aug-2005 | How to make me feel like a real womanA man walks into a bar. There's a beautiful woman sitting at the bar, and they
sit and have a drink together. She leans over and says, "I need you to
make me feel like a real woman." So the guy takes off his jacket and says, "I
need this ironed."
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| Posted by Giselle DaSilva-Martins on 10-Aug-2005 | Helen Keller??™s insanityHow did Helen Keller drive herself crazy?
By trying to read a stucco wall.
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| Posted by chris magee on 10-Aug-2005 | Giving up lifeA man was walking in the city, when a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner accosted him.
The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you
this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
??? No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
??? Will you use it to gamble?"
??? I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
??? Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
??? Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going
to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The bum was
astounded.
??? Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm
dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied, "Hey, man, that's OK! I just want her to see what a man looks
like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf!"
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| Posted by Lily Flower on 10-Aug-2005 | Three men making wishesThere were these three men who were walking on a bridge.
They found a magic lamp and they all received one wish each.
The genie in the lamp said that when the make there wish, they must jump
Off the bridge and they will receive their wish. The first man wished to
Be turned into a bird. He jumped off the bridge and turned into a beautiful
parrot.
The second man wished to be a blade of grass. He jumped off the bridge
and fell to the ground
As a blade of grass. As the third man was stepping up to the edge of the
bridge to make his wish,
He tripped over a rock and screamed, " s***!"
And as he fell to the ground, he was turned into a pile of s***.
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| Posted by Nadia Issa on 10-Aug-2005 | ClownsTwo cannibals were eating a clown, one cannibal
said to the other does this taste funny to you.
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