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| Posted by Kathleen E. Ryan on 09-Aug-2005 | Fat housewifeA big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!"
He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits."
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| Posted by Yo Man on 09-Aug-2005 | Nerd at beachA textbook nerd is at the beach one day, baring his chest and showing off his pale, shrunken chest, and of course all the girls are laughing at him and drooling over the weight-lifting hunks. So in desperation the kid goes to the lifeguard and asks, "How can I do something to get these girls interested in me? What can I do to show off?"
The lifeguard takes pity on this poor guy, with his puny muscles and baggy trunks and lanky hair, and finally he says, "Tell you what - why don??™t you take a potato and stick it down your swim trunks. That way the girls will think you??™ve got something really big and hard down there, and they??™ll want you."
So the nerd decides to give it a try. He struts around the beach with a potato in his shorts, and all the girls give him weird, disgusting looks and tell him to get the hell out of there. The nerd can??™t understand what??™s going on, so he goes back to the lifeguard and asks, "What am I doing wrong? You said they??™d like me if I put a potato in my shorts!"
Without even batting an eye, the lifeguard says, "You gotta put the potato in the FRONT, kid!"
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| Posted by Lizz on 09-Aug-2005 | Grand CanyonWhat does walking a tightrope across the Grand Canyon and having an 80 year old woman give you a blow job have in common?
You just have to remember one thing...
Don't look down!!
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| Posted by Jessie Adam on 09-Aug-2005 | Butt DoctorA man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam... I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for...but what's the BEER for?"
At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"
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| Posted by shayan nouri on 09-Aug-2005 | CircumcisionA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery.
As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's feet.
"What's this," she asked.
"Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"
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| Posted by VieTAnGeL on 09-Aug-2005 | Best FriendBartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn't touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him. "Hey pal, is something wrong?"
"Yeah,... I'm really depressed"
"Why, what's the matter?"
"I caught my wife in bed with my best friend"
"Wow, that's horrible. What did you do?"
"I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing it's over"
"That's pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend?"
"I sat him down... tied him up... looked him straight in the eye... and said... Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"
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