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():battle of sexes (734): Father of beauty


Posted by Phillip D. Tomblin on 13-Aug-2005

Father of beauty

There was a middle aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later, delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Little by Little


Posted by Nickie M. Necsefr on 13-Aug-2005

Little by Little

A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget.

Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!"

Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Going to the pub


Posted by Cameron Dude on 13-Aug-2005

Going to the pub

A man comes in to the room and says to his wife, "I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on."

The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?"

The husband replies, "No - I'm turning the heating off."


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Anniversaries and toilets


Posted by meghan A. larsen on 13-Aug-2005

Anniversaries and toilets

Wot have toilets and anniversaries got in common?

Men miss them both!


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Real personal ads


Posted by Sway Braun on 13-Aug-2005
Real personal ads
Actual personal ads from actual newspapers:

I like driving around with my two cats, especially on the freeway. I make them wear little hats so that I can use the carpool lane. Way too much time on your hands too? Call me. SWF, 42, 5'10", brown/blue.

I want a man with a BIG heart, BIG hands, BIG feet, who is ready to enjoy BIG aspects of a playful woman.

Fat, flatulent, over-40, cigar-smoking redneck seeks sexy woman with big hair to cook, clean and pick up unemployment checks.


   

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():battle of sexes (734): Take a picture...


Posted by Ktkat Yong on 13-Aug-2005
Take a picture...
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture."

Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?"

He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.

He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now."

At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture."

He beams and asks, "Why?"

She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."


   

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