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| Posted by Y James on 09-Aug-2005 | Father's adviceTwenty-four hours before his wedding, a young man asks his dad if he has any fatherly advice to impart before the big day.
???Just two things,??? the father says. ???First, tell her you must have one night a week to go out with the boys.???
???And what??™s the other one???? the son asks.
???Don??™t waste it on the boys.???
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Fran Mcgrath on 09-Aug-2005 | Taking measures"Mom, I'm pregnant."
"How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?"
"That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took
measures and then went with the biggest."
Submitted by Tantilazing
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Pippi Longstocking on 09-Aug-2005 | Golfing dogA man and his friend meet at the clubhouse and decide to play a round of golf.
The man has a little dog with him, and on the first green, when he sinks a 20-foot putt, the little dog starts to yip, stands up on its hind legs and walks around in circles.
Amazed, the friend says, ???Wow, that dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt????
???Somersaults,??? the man says.
???Somersaults???? the friend asks. ???That??™s incredible. How many does he do????
???It all depends on how hard I kick him.???
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by D M. C on 09-Aug-2005 | Rash!Patient: Doctor, Doctor I've got a terrible rash on my cock! What will I do??
Doc: Here, take this medicine and see me in the morning. (man takes medicine)
Patient: Doctor, it didn't work!
Doc: Here try this cream and come back in the morning. (uses cream)
Patient: Doctor, it didn't work, what will I do?
Doc: Here use this magic remover and see me in the morning. (uses remover)
Patient: Doctor! It worked! What the hell was it?
Doc: Lip stick remover!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by dantheman on 09-Aug-2005 | Two-by-fourSome men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by flameb0y on 09-Aug-2005 | Opps said the DrOne day this guy went to the doctor and said, "Doc I really feel bad, can you do some tests?"
The doctor did some tests and said, "I'll call you when they're done and we can talk over the phone. OK?"
The guy said, "OK," and went home and did his daily routine.
One morning he woke up and the phone rang. He picked it up and it was the doctor.
The doc said, "I've got some good news and some bad news."
The guy said, "Well, what is the good news?"
The doc said, "You have 24 hours to live."
The guy said, "Well, what's the bad news?"
The doc said, "I forgot to call you yesterday."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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