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| Posted by Meme_2000 on 09-Aug-2005 | Feels goodA man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra.
You know, these are the colours of my favourite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good.
The next day when they come home her wife asks: How was your day? The man says: Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal but it really feels good!
The third day they meet at home after work and now the man asks his wife: And what happened today in your office, honey?
She says: Oh, nothing special, sweetheart. I got a new boss today. His dick is two inches longer than yours. You know it's not a big deal but hell it feels good !
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| Posted by Nick R. Fletcher on 09-Aug-2005 | A bit of varietyFred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he's going to divorce his wife.
"Good grief" says Jim, "You and Sue are the happiest couple I know - why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?"
"Well" replies Fred, "Truth be known I'm just bored with pokin' the same hole night after night after night. I guess I'm hankerin' for a bit of variety."
Jim: "Well if you want variety, why don't you just, you know, turn her over every now and again?"
Fred: "What - and have a house full of kids???"
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| Posted by Denise L. Williams on 09-Aug-2005 | Sex surveyThe research worker, conducting a sex survey, phoned one of the husbands whose completed form was spread out before him.
"Mr. Pullman, there seems to be some discrepancies between the answers of you and your wife to the same question.
For example, under 'Frequency of Intercourse' you wrote 'Three times a week' and your wife 'Three times a night'."
"Well, that's right," replied the husband, "but that's only until we have paid off the mortgage on the house.
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| Posted by frank on 09-Aug-2005 | Getting screwedThe old farmer was having a pretty bad year. All of his crops had been lost. Fortunately, the peach orchard had done really well.
The only way he was going to make it financially was to cut out the middle man and sell the peaches directly to the consumer. So he loaded his pickup with peaches and headed to town.
Just on the outskirts of town he came to a house. So he took a basket of peaches and went up and knocked on the door.
A gorgeous blond in a sheer robe answered the door. In a sexy voice she said, "Hi, Honey, what can I do for you?"
Quite shaken, the old farmer muttered, "I have these here really nice peaches for sale". The blond, noticing how shaken he was, decided to play a bit. So she opened the top of her robe showing her breasts.
She said, "Are those peaches full and firm like these?"
Very shaken, he managed to whisper, "Oh yes, they're really good peaches."
So she opened the rest of her robe, showing she had on no panties. She teased, "Would they be succulent and delicious like this?"
The old farmer popped out crying and said, "Oh yes, they're wonderful peaches."
She said, "Well, honey, why on earth are you crying?"
The old farmer whimpered "Lady, the cut worms ruined my tomato crop and the weevels ate all my cotton and now I think you're gonna screw me out of my peaches."
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| Posted by Spencer Smith on 09-Aug-2005 | Civil UnionConnecticut has okayed civil unions for gay couples.
Opponents argued this would cause confusion, since it's already hard to tell which men are gay and which are simply from Connecticut.
-Rob Bates
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| Posted by Josh J. Smith on 09-Aug-2005 | Cattle showA man takes his wife to the cattle stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls.
They come up to the first bull and his sign stated:"This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says,"He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated:"This bull mated 65 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says,"This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife's mouth drops open and says,"WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and says,"Go up and ask if it was 365 times with the same cow."
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