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| Posted by Robbie Wilson on 09-Aug-2005 | Female driversI was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.
I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That's 76 miles, of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper-to-bumper. I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That is 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that's 449. According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that's 98. And, 34% describe men as their biggest problem, that's 33. According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and the number is increasing.
That means, that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.
No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn't DREAM of flipping her off.
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| Posted by Tevin mcguire on 09-Aug-2005 | Blowing Smoke RingsThree little boys were sitting on the porch, when one little boy says, "My Daddy smokes, and he can blow smoke rings."
The second little boy pipes up, "Well, my Dad smokes, too, and can blow smoke out of his ears."
The third little boy, not to be outdone responds, "My Dad can blow smoke out of his butt."
"Really, have you seen it?" ask the boys.
The third boy responds, "No, but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear."
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| Posted by Raymond N. Kostowski on 09-Aug-2005 | Man and floorWhat does a man and a floor have in common?
You lay them right the first time you can walk all over them forever!!
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| Posted by Niko Tsocanos on 09-Aug-2005 | Angry WomanA woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for 'cats'?"
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| Posted by Harry Nipples on 09-Aug-2005 | Scientists sayScientists have determined that the average time of intercourse lasts 4 minutes. The average number of strokes is 9 per minute, making the average intercourse 36 strokes long. Since the average length of a penis is about 6 inches, the average girl receives 216 inches of penis or 18 feet of penis per intercourse.
If the average girl does it 3 times a week, (that makes 156 times annually) 156 x 18 feet of penis makes 2808 feet, or just over a half mile of penis per year.
If a girl starts having sex at 16, and since the average life span of a woman is 75, you could say that you could be getting 2808 feet of penis x 59 years of sex makes 165,672 feet, or 55,224 yards, or a little over 31 miles of penis in your lifetime.
Anyone whose getting more than that, well, yer just a big ol slut.
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| Posted by Kia on 09-Aug-2005 | Why women don'tDo you know why woman don't fart?
Because they can't keep their mouths closed long enough to build up any pressure.
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