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| Posted by Lethia E. Edmondson on 09-Aug-2005 | FertilityWhile the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive woman sat down next to him.
The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Julian Cuevas on 09-Aug-2005 | Autopsie lessonA professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.
"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, pulls it out, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes' silence, they follow through with his disgusting command.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: How many of you noticed that I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index finger?"
After the class was over, it took the janitor three hours to mop up the vomit.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Jaiva on 09-Aug-2005 | Ride em cowboyEd and Ted went to the fair.
They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look.
"What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd.
"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine." he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine.
"Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can."
"I can do that!" Ed said confidently.
"No you can't." said Ted.
"I sure as hell can!" said Ed.
"You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted.
"Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine.
The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back.
After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur.
But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd.
He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. "Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?" Ted asked.
"Remember three months ago," Ed said..."When my wife had whooping cough?"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by dman0969 on 09-Aug-2005 | BlowjobYoung Johnny, roughly 10 years of age, is walking downtown and a girl calls to him, "Blowjob, twenty dollars."
He gives her a strange look and keeps walking.
Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking.
The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was, "Mom, what's a blowjob?"
His mom replies, "Twenty dollars, just the same as downtown."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by james on 09-Aug-2005 | Fake itWhat do you do when a Rottweiler humps your leg?
Fake an orgasm.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by kittilov on 09-Aug-2005 | Hot dogBad news from a hot dog vendor when he trlls you...
10. "I trapped the meat myself."
9. "Can we hurry this up, I have to meet my parole officer."
8. "Botulism, schmotulism, am I right, Vicky?"
7. "Would you like to smear mustard on me?"
6. "I kissed every one for good luck."
5. "There's a zoo in every bite."
4. "Did you see me on '60 Minutes' last night?"
3. "Would you like a drink to wash down this uncooked mystery tube?"
2. "I'll see you in the emergency room, genius!"
1. "You're my first customer in eight weeks."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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