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| Posted by nalon r. baker on 09-Aug-2005 | Few wordsDan: "I'm a man of few words."
Loz: "Yeah, I'm married, too."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by ProudBreed on 09-Aug-2005 | Lamaze classThe room was full of pregnant women and their partners.
The Lamaze class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher.
"Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Amy Hakwkins on 09-Aug-2005 | Marriage secretsSecret tips for making a marriage last...
My wife and I have the secrets to making a marriage last...
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."
8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off...
10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Zachary Sponey on 09-Aug-2005 | Bride jokeWhy do men always want their brides to wear white?
Because they want their dish washer to match their fridge and stove.
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Moelicious on 09-Aug-2005 | Notes on MarriageAnd for everyone that's still single, some notes on marriage...
...Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
...Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
...Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss.
...Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
...Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
...Marriage still confers one very special privilege, only a married person can get divorced!
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Chris Burkhardt on 09-Aug-2005 | Twice a weekAfter just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling.
They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be the problem?"
The wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.
Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.
He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.
The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"
The husband scratched his head and replied..."I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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