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| Posted by julij on 13-Aug-2005 | The (nose) Pick ListTHE KIDDIE PICK...
When you're by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is, there's no time limit!
CAMOUFLAGED KIDDIE PICK...
When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile.
FAKE NOSE SCRATCH...
When you make believe you've got an itch but you're really trolling the nostril edge for stray boogers.
MAKING A MEAL OUT OF IT...
You do it so furiously, and for so long, you're probably entitled to dessert.
SURPRISE PICKINGS...
When a sneeze or laugh causes snot to come hurtling out of your nose, and you have to gracefully clean it off your shirt.
AUTOPICK...
The kind you do in a car, when no one's looking.
PICK YOUR BRAINS...
Done in private, this is the one where your finger goes in so far, it passes the septum.
PICK AND SAVE...
When you have to pick it quickly, just when someone looks away, and then you pocket the snot so they don't catch on to what you did.
PICK AND ROLL...
No explanation needed.
PICK AND FLICK...
Ditto.
PICK AND STICK...
You wanted it to be a "Pick and Flick," but it stubbornly clings to your fingertip.
PAYDIRT...
The kind where you remove a piece of snot so big, it improves your breathing by 90%.
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| Posted by Darnitol on 13-Aug-2005 | Cleaning billRon and his friends are out at the local bar, "getting a-bit-to-much" to drink. Finally, after too many rounds, Ron leans over and pukes all over himself. "Hhey manh, looc herre. My...my honey is ggoing toh KILLLLL me! Me a mess!" he blurted.
Next, after a couple "drunk" moments, Ron's friend murmurs back, "Ittf's okey. Whhat ya doo, is you pu...put a 10 dollar bbill in yor poket, and tell you girlfrriend that someone else ppuuked on you, an gave ya 10 buks to got the shirt dri-cleanedd! It 'ill bee ookay."
"Aalll rightf."
When Ron goes home, sure enough, his girlfriend starts screaming the living hell out of him. "You go out with your little friends and come back all puked over your self! LOOK AT YOU! You're a mess. Everyti??“"
Ron builds up his voice over the hargue, "IIt wasnn't mey. Soome othber guy, hee da one dat puke aall on me! loak, he gaave mhe a 10 dallor bill to cllean it...it...it up!"
Coldly, his girl friend replies, "Oh yeah, then how come that's a 20 bill!"
Ron proudly replies, "Well...um...uh...he...uh...also shit in my ppants!"
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| Posted by Damian Pacecca on 13-Aug-2005 | The Dog Did ItA woman goes to her boyfriend's parent's house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the fart. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Bailey!"
The woman thought, "This is great!", and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and said sternly, "Get out of here Bailey!" The dog didn't move.
Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled at train whistle blowing.
Finally, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Bailey, get away from her before she shits on you!"
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