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| Posted by LeeLee on 10-Aug-2005 | "fifteen bucks"A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the
shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of
his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get
himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab
waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to
send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his
drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said
(adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell
out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and
was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his
financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty
good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride
back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his
old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The
businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack
of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the
airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to
give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The
businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same
questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked
"How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The
businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long
line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each
driver.
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| Posted by Christer J. Kauppinen on 10-Aug-2005 | I was trying to tell you that I was comingThere was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished
building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself,
so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground to get it for him, but this
guy could not hear a word he said. So he started to give a sign so the guy on
the ground could understand him.
First he pointed at his eyes (meaning "I") then pointed at his knees (meaning
"need), and moved his hand back and forth describing the movement of a hand
saw.
Finally, the guy on the ground started nodding his head like he understood
and dropped his pants and started to jerk off.
The guy on the 3rd floor got pissed-off and ran down to the ground and started
yelling at this guy, "You idiot, I was trying to tell you I needed a hand saw."
The other guy replied, "I know, I was trying to tell you that I was coming."
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| Posted by leon burley on 10-Aug-2005 | A Daring New PositionHusband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on
the couch and drink beer and fart!
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| Posted by David P. Coyle on 10-Aug-2005 | Good, Bad, WorseGood: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The techer is a he.
Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: you get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.
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| Posted by Charisma K. Carsinoger on 10-Aug-2005 | Magic PuddleOne day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk man sitting
in a puddle.
"Hey, are you drunk?" asked the policeman.
"No! I'm just resting!" said the drunk man in a lazy voice.
" ow is that so? Well, if your not drunk, what time is it?"
The drunk man raised his arm, as if to point at something,
and raised the other arm to cross the first arm over and
said, " It's 12:43!"
"Amazing!" said the policeman. It was indeed 12:43! "How
did you do that?"
"Hee, hee, hee, magic!" he said in a drunk voice. This
happened for 2 more times and the drunk man got it right
every time. The policeman puzzled that for a moment and
left only to come back to ask the drunk man how he did it.
"Oh ok! Don't push me!" he said. " I'll tell you how I did
it only if you sit with me in this puddle."
" What? No, I'm not sitting in that puddle." said the
policeman.
" Ok, then you will not learn my secret."
" Well,ok, but only if you promise to tell me your trick."
"Ya, ya I will."
So the policeman stepped in the puddle, and sat down near
the drunk man. " Ok, I'm in the puddle, now what?"
"Well, turn to face that way, and look at that very large
building," He pointed, " Do you see it?"
"Ya I see it, so what?" Said the policeman.
"Well, then I bet that you see that the building is BIG BEN
the clock tower."
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| Posted by lisa m. kanicki on 10-Aug-2005 | What a stupid mama!Yo mama's so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
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