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| Posted by Dimitre Atanasov on 09-Aug-2005 | Fill the apartmentA proper English gentleman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did.
Before he left, he told the girl that he didn't have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment `Rent for Apartment'.
On the way to the office he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam, Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It bad never been occupied;
2. There was plenty of heat; and
3. It was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
Last night, however, I found out that it bad been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following letter.
Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.
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| Posted by Azrael Muadhen on 09-Aug-2005 | Like a babyA young couple are on their way to Las Vegas to get married.
Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they had not been intimate was because she was very flat-chested. If he wished to cancel the wedding, it would be okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while and said he did not mind if she was flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wanted to make a confession. He said that below his waist he was just like a baby, and if the girl wished to cancel tile wedding, it'd be fine by him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she did not mind and she also believed there were other things far more important in a marriage than sex. Both were happy that they'd been honest with each other.
They went on to Vegas and got married. On the wedding night the girl took off her clothes and she was as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes and one look at the guy's naked body made the girl faint and fall to the floor.
After she came to, the guy asked,
'I told you before we got married, why did you still faint?'
The girl said,
'You told me it was just like a baby.'
The guy replied,
'Yes, eight pounds and 21 inches.'
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| Posted by dontrell on 09-Aug-2005 | Once a CowboyAn old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whisky, a young lady sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked him,
'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied,
'Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I am.'
He then asked her what she was. She replied,
'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.'
A little while later a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him,
'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied,
'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
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| Posted by Sexy Monster on 09-Aug-2005 | Playing aroundOne day, this guy who had been stranded on a desert island all alone for 10 years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
'It's certainly not a ship,' he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer
and closer, he begins to rule out the possibility of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly emerging from the surf walking towards him comes
this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and asks,
'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?'
'Ten years,' he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left
sleeve and pulls out a packet of fresh cigarettes. He takes a long drag and says,
'Man oh man. Is that ever good.'
She then asks him,
'How long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?'
Trembling, he replies,
'Ten years.'
She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig, and says,
'Wow, that's absolutely fantastic.'
Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wetsuit, looks at him seductively and asks,
'And how long has it been since you've played around?'
The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies,
'Oh my God! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there!'
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| Posted by Starkiz Pop on 09-Aug-2005 | Ed ZacharyA woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she go and see Dr Chang, the well-known sex therapist. So she went to see him and upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said,
'OK, take off all you crose.'
So she did.
Dr Chang then said,
'Ok now, crawl reery fass to the other side of the room.'
So she did.
Dr Chang then said,
'OK' now crawl reery fass to me,'
So she did.
Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said,
'Your problem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I
ever see, that why you not haf sex or dates.'
Confused the woman asked,
'What is Ed Zachary Disease?'
Dr Chang replied,
'It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your arse??™
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| Posted by Nymph on 09-Aug-2005 | Tax the penisThe only thing that the tax department has not taxed yet is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 40 percent of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30 percent of the time it is bard up, 20 percent of the time it is pissed off and 10 percent of the time it is on the hole.
On top of that, it bas two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective ! January 2001, your penis will be taxed according to size, as follows:
11-12".,.... Luxury Tax $30
8-10' Pole Tax $25
6-7" Privilege Tax $15
5` Nuisance Tax $3
A male exceeding 12" must file under capital gains while anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION.
Sincerely Pecker Checker,
Tax Department
We are stall waiting for answers to the following:
Are there penalties for early withdrawals?
What if one's penis is self-employed?
Do multiple partners count as a corporation?
Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes?
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