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| Posted by Aseidy Jhan on 14-Aug-2005 | Final ExamA teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about
tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not
showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an
immediate family member's death.
One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual
exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the
student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand
to write."
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| Posted by willard sunnex on 14-Aug-2005 | The NudgeA man is in a hotel lobby and wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into
a woman beside him and his elbow pokes her in the breast. They
are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft
as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in
room 436."
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| Posted by venechick on 14-Aug-2005 | Wedding PranksThe wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a
carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist, were deciding what
pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night. The
carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them
a chuckle or two. The electrician decided to wire the bed. The
dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and
promised it would be memorable. The nuptials went as planned and
a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the
following note:
DEAR FRIENDS,
WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS BEING SAWED.
THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK.
BUT I SWEAR BY GOD ALMIGHTY, I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER PUT
NOVOCAINE IN THE K-Y JELLY!"
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():sex jokes (1888): Radio Station Competition |
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| Posted by Sarah P. Hazlett on 14-Aug-2005 | Radio Station CompetitionThis story occurred on Melbourne radio last week.... One of the FM
stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three
personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three
questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win a holiday to Bali.
Last week the competition went like this:
Presenter: Gidday its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?
Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1--When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ohhh, maaaate. Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.
Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
Brian: Orrrrr...about 10 minutes.
Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it mate?
Brian: Ohhhh maaaaate, I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
Brian: O.K....O.K....On the kitchen table.
Presenter: (and others in room--much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it
O.K. for us to call your wife?
Brian: Yeah, alright.
Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?
Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.
Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line,
say hello.
Sharelle: Hi Brian.
Brian: Hi Sharelle.
Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions
we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to
Bali.
Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.
Sharelle: O.K.
Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?
Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.
Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.
Sharelle: O.K....About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.
Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for
Sharelle?
Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.
Co-Presenter: That's close enough...Brian was just being a gentleman.
Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?
Sharelle: Oh I can't say that. My mum could be listing. No way, no.
Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.
Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway...just
tell em.
Sharelle: Ohhhh....alright....Up the ass!
Radio Silence
Advert
Presenter: Sorry if anyone was offended before, we're going live here, and
sometimes these things happen. We've given Brian and Sharelle the holiday.
Now we'll take a music break.
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():sex jokes (1888): Doctor's Prescription for Premature Ejaculation |
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| Posted by Slim Caity on 14-Aug-2005 | Doctor's Prescription for Premature EjaculationA man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go
to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.
In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to
ejaculate try startling yourself".
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter
pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife.
At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two
begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later,
feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did
it go?"
The man answered, "Not that well..when I fired the pistol my wife crapped
on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the
closet with his hands in the air!"
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| Posted by Leo Sanabria on 14-Aug-2005 | I want NatalieThe madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly Jewish man. His
clothes were all disheveled and he looked needy. "Can I help you?" the
madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one
of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see
Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges
$1,000 per visit. The man never blinked and reached into his pocket and
handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour whereupon
the man calmly left.
The next night he appeared again demanding Natalie. Natalie explained that
no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no
discounts... it was still $1,000. Again the old man took out the money,
the two went up to the room and he calmly left an hour later.
When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it.
Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end
of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my
services three nights in a row... where are you from?" The old man
replied, "I am from Minsk." "Really?" replied Natalie, "I have a sister
who lives there." "Yes, I know," said the old man. "She gave me $3,000 to
give to you."
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