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Finding a boyfriend

Why is it so hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

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	():battle of sexes (734): Custody Battle

Posted by Deana K. Sheridan on 13-Aug-2005

Custody Battle

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court.

But custody of the children was a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that, since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"

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	():battle of sexes (734): Homecooking

Posted by Hibba M. Nagrial on 13-Aug-2005

Homecooking

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

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	():battle of sexes (734): Vocabulary differences between men and women

Posted by Nol T. Johnson on 13-Aug-2005

Vocabulary differences between men and women

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing ball without a cup.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon)n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.

BUTT (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: The organ of mooning and farting.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.

TASTE (tayst) v.
Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

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	():battle of sexes (734): The Jealous Wife

Posted by Katie on 13-Aug-2005

The Jealous Wife

A farmer's wife was terribly jealous. Evening after evening, she subjected her husband to a searching inspection. When she would find even a single hair on his coat, there would be a terrible scene! One night, she found nothing.

''So'' she screamed, ''Now it's a bald-headed woman!''

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	():battle of sexes (734): Fun with Mink

Posted by *JeSsIcA* on 13-Aug-2005

Fun with Mink

A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. ''Show the lady your finest mink!'' the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier discreetly whispers to the man, ''Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000.''

''No problem! I'll write you a check!''

''Very good, sir.'' says the shop owner. ''Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared.''

So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged, ''How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn`t a single penny in your checking account!!''

''I just had to come by,'' grinned the guy, ''to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!''

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