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| Posted by Bryan J. Thibodeau on 09-Aug-2005 | Fine DiningA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.
The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ahh, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember ? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognise you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back just as the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says??¦
"Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"
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| Posted by Victor on 09-Aug-2005 | Putting OutHe says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks."
She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."
They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter.
He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."
She says, "Thank you."
He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"
She says, "Go ahead."
He says, "Can you PEE through all that hair?"
She says, "Of course."
He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."
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| Posted by Jessica R. Gardner on 09-Aug-2005 | Colonel AssholeThe Sergeant had a Colonel who was an absolute ass. So before the next inspection, the Sergeant cleaned the toilet in the barracks very carefully, and then floated a dab of peanut butter on a piece of toilet paper.
The Colonel proceeded with inspection, came to the toilet and screamed, "Sergeant that Looks Like SHIT".
The Sergeant leaned carefully over the toilet, inhaled and said well maybe.... then leaned over picked up the peanut butter and put it in his mouth and said, "Colonel, you're right because it does indeed TASTE like shit".
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| Posted by C Heath Ratliff on 09-Aug-2005 | A Dollar for IsraelA customs agent stopped an old Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.
In the first suitcase he found over a million dollars in one dollar bills.
"Excuse me, sir" he asked the old gentleman, "where did you get all this money?"
"Vell, I'll tell you," the old man began, "for many years, I travelled all around America, I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I vent to New York, then I vent to Chicago, then I vent to San Francisco. I vent into all the stalls here the men were spiriting and I say 'Give me a dollar for Israel or I'll cut off your testicles vit my knife.'"
"That's quite a story," the customs agent said, "what's in the second suitcase?"
"Vell, you know," said the old man, shaking his head, "not everyone likes to give..."
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| Posted by doodlebug two on 09-Aug-2005 | Knowing When You'Fellow 1: "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too."
Fellow 2: "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"
Fellow 1: "A judge told him."
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| Posted by MaZter0fNtrigue on 09-Aug-2005 | A Close ShaveA man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.
"Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber.
"Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
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