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| Posted by Xandi on 08-Aug-2005 | fineGirl your so fine i wish i could plant you and have a whole bunch of yall
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| Posted by jarmo two on 09-Aug-2005 | Golden WeddingA couple were celebrating their Golden Wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of the long and happy marriage.
'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,' explained the husband. 'We visited the Grand Canyon and took at trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, "That's once." We proceeded a little further when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone half a mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife took her little Derringer pistol out of her pocket and shot the mule.
???I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, "That's once."??™
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| Posted by james saville on 09-Aug-2005 | Irish Wedding DanceA wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.
To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.
The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'
The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,
'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'
The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.
The judge says, 'OK.'
'Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.'
Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'God, that must have hurt!'
'Hurt?' Paddy replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!'
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| Posted by April L. Milam on 09-Aug-2005 | Stamp collectorA woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made.
When the tailor inquired about the color, the bride to be said, 'White.'
The tailor was a bit surprised by this, and said, 'Excuse me, I don't mean to pry, but since white is the color traditionally worn by a virgin on her wedding night, I can't help wondering if you might still be a virgin? How could that be?'
The woman replied, 'I'm sorry to say, but that's the way it is. You see, my first husband was a psychologist. He just wanted to talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. He just wanted to look. My third husband was a stamp collector... God I miss him.'
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| Posted by Bob Nelson on 09-Aug-2005 | Newly marriedA mother had three daughters and, on their wedding night, she tells each one to write back about their married life.
To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to use newspaper advertisements as a 'code' to let the mother know how their love lives are going.
The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives with a single message, simply: 'Maxwell House Coffee'.
The mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell House advertisement, and it says, 'Satisfaction to the last drop...'
So the mother is happy.
Then the second daughter gets married.
After a week, there was a message that read: 'Rothman's Mattresses'.
So the mother looks at the Rothman's Mattresses ad, and it says, 'Full size, king size'.
And the mother is happy.
Then it comes to the third one's wedding. Mother is anxious.
After four weeks came the message: 'British Airways'. And the mother looks into the British Airways ad, but this time she fainted.
The ad reads: 'Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'
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| Posted by bobybo on 09-Aug-2005 | Mistress...This married couple was enjoying a dinner out when this gorgeous blonde walks over to their table, exchanges warm greetings with the husband and walks off.
"Who was that?" Demands the wife.
"If you must know, that was my mistress."
"Your MISTRESS? I want a divorce!"
"Are you sure you want to give up a big house in the suburbs, a Mercedes, furs, jewelry, and a vacation home in Mexico?"
They continued dining in silence for a while. Finally, the woman asks,
"Isn't that Howard over there? Who's he with?"
"That??™s HIS mistress."
"Oh... Well I think ours is cuter."
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