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| Posted by Dexter on 14-Aug-2005 | Finger licking goodAt a resort club in France, a romantic Frenchman spots an American lady
tourist entering the dining section. He swiftly rushes to her assistance,
with his usual charm and his obviously attractive dialect, "Bonjour,
madamoiselle." "Bonjour!" She answers back, "Can you........?" and before
she could finish her sentence, the Frenchman interrupts to say, "Anysing,
yes I can, for you. Ma cherrie." He takes her hand, kisses her palm, licks
her fingers romantically and then continues saying, "Just as beautiful and
sweet as you are, your fingers are. What is this tasty lotion you use, ma
cherrie? And if I may ask, what is this you wanted to be assisted in?"
The lady (at that time very impressed) answered, "I've just been changing
my baby's diaper's, he has been suffering from serious diarrhea. So, I
just wanted to know where I could wash my hands."
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| Posted by Bubble Angel on 14-Aug-2005 | Betty CrockerThis husband comes home from a hard day at work and his wife says
"Honey, can you fix the sink? It's clogged."
The husband is very tired and replies:
"Who do you think I am, a Plumber?"
So, the husband goes on for the rest of the day without a single
word from his wife. Right after dinner he gets asked again:
"Honey , can you fix the toilet? It is overflowing."
Now, obviously mad the husband replies: "I told you I am NOT a
Plumber!"
The next day when the husband comes home his wife meets him at
the door and starts to lavish him with kisses.
She finally stops and she tells her husband that the most
increadible thing happened to her: "Well, this really georgous
man moved in next door and he fixed everything for me.... Well,
there was one of two forms of payment--I could have made mad
passionate love to him or I could have made him a cake."
The husband looks at his wife and asks: "So, what kind of cake
did you bake him?"
"WHO DO YOU THINK I AM BETTY CROCKER???"
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| Posted by Frank Geritano on 14-Aug-2005 | Dying WifeBecky was on her deathbed with her husband Jake at her side. He
held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.
Her pale lips moved. "Jake..." she said. "Hush," he quickly
interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted. "Jake," she said in
her tired voice, "I have to talk. I must confess...." "There is
nothing to confess..." said the weeping Jake. "It's alright.
Everything's alright" "No, no. I must die in peace. I must
confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you." Jake stroked
her hand. "Now, Becky, don't be concerned. I know all about it,"
he sobbed, "Why else would I poison you?"
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| Posted by Jason J. Barber on 14-Aug-2005 | Broken FingersA man and a woman had just gotten married and the were at the
wedding reception. Now it was a family tradition on the bride's
side to dance the first song with the best man. The groom was
alright with the idea so he let the best man dance with her.
Then suddleny, the song ended and then another song came on. The
groom just waited for it to be over but that song soon ended and
they were still dncing. The groom got so mad that he went right
up to the bride and kicked her betwen the legs!
The best man was so furious and he yelled at the groom, "I'll
see you in court!" So all three of them went to court and the
judge asked the groom what had happened. The groom said, "They
kept on dancing and dancing and dancing until I got so pissed
that I kicked Ericka (the wife ) between the legs." The judge
said, "Oooh! That's gotta hurt!" Then the best man said,
"Yeah...I broke three fingers!"
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| Posted by T.J on 14-Aug-2005 | Those 4-Letter WordsA young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got
back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was
the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam
started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before!
I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take
me home.... Please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so
awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so
embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, baby,
you must tell me what has you so upset.... Tell your mother these horrible
4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON,
COOK...!"
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| Posted by zach bennett on 14-Aug-2005 | Losing Wife's Love"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told
the counselor.
"Has she started to neglect you?"
"Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the
door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always
ironed, she's a great cook, the house is always neat, and she
keeps the kids out of my hair. She even lets me choose the
television shows we watch and she never objects to kinky sex, or
says she has a headache."
"So what's the problem?"
"Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, but
at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close
to my ear and whispers, 'Die! Die, you son of a bitch!'"
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