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| Posted by Crissie D. Craig on 14-Aug-2005 | Fire FireA fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a
wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our
jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and
we're ready to go on the trucks."
"From now on," he said, 'we're going to run this house the same way. When
I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to
jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to screw all night."
The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" and
his wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed.
"Bell 3, and they began to screw.
After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"
"What's this Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"More hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!'
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| Posted by Gelfling on 14-Aug-2005 | Fucking fence!A couple have been married forty years and are revisiting the same places
they went to on their honeymoon. As they are driving through the secluded
countryside, they pass a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the
road.
The woman says, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty
years ago!"
The guy stops the car. His wife backs against the fence, and he
immediately jumps her like a bass on a junebug. They make love like never
before.
Back in the car, the guys says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that
forty year ago -- or any time since that I can remember."
The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't electrified!"
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| Posted by Jim Bob on 14-Aug-2005 | The AccidentA young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down
the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an
hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agrees and he begins
to speed up. When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to strip.
When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her
that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is
thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend
are trapped in the car.
"Go get help." he pleads. She replies, "I can't, I'm naked." He
points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, "Cover your
snatch with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers
herself, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she
arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help!
My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and
replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."
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| Posted by J Man on 14-Aug-2005 | Rope'nA young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. After the
wedding they left for their honeymoon and while driving down the
road, the new bride saw a bull and a cow having sex. She asks,
"What are they doing honey?" He answers, "They are roping!" She
replies, "Oh, I see."
They drive a few more hours and she sees a horse and a mare
having sex. Again she asks, "What are they doing honey?" He
answers, "They are roping!" She replies, "Oh, I see."
They finally get to the hotel, washed up, and got ready for bed.
They get in bed and start exploring each other's body. She
discovers his penis and asked, "What is this?" "That's my rope."
he answers.
She slides her hands down further and gasps, "What are those?"
"They are my knots," he replies.
Finally, they begin making love. After several minutes, she
says, "Stop, honey, wait a minute!" "What's the matter baby?" he
asks. She replies, "Undo those knots, I need more rope!"
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| Posted by Button on 14-Aug-2005 | Sew tht ButtonAngus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house
exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come
off of me fly? I canna button me pants. "
"Oh Angus ... I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs
and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."
About 5 minutes later there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of
yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs.
Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose
comes Angus. The little lady looks at him and says, "My god,
what happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?"
"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she
did. Everything was goin fine but when she bent doon to bite off
the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in... "
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| Posted by kakyok on 14-Aug-2005 | Adam & EveIn the garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Without any clothes.
In this garden,
Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam's,
One covered Eve's.
As the story goes on,
Never the less to say,
The wind came along,
And blew the leaves away.
At the sight,
Adam did stare.
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair.
And wonder came
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing
Started to rise.
They found a spot
That suited them best.
A nice big tree
Where they began to rest.
Her legs spread wider,
And wider apart,
While thrill after thrill
Came into her heart.
The head of Adam's thing
Peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion,
Beyond her control.
Backward and forward,
His thing did slide.
And Eve's treasure
Was all wet inside.
The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose.
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of juice.
Then down through the years,
People did screw.
And now it is time,
For me and you.
So pull down your pants,
And lay in the grass,
Cause I'm in the mood,
For a piece of that Ass!
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