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| Posted by Steven J. Deceilio on 11-Aug-2005 | Fire!Three men were arrested for stealing cars.
Their sentance was to be shot.
The first man was about to be shot, so he pointed behind the people who were going to shoot him and yelled "Flash flood!"
The people who were about to shoot him looked towards the direction he was pointing and he ran away, escaping his punishment.
It was the next man's turn. Like the first man, he pointed behind the people who were about to shoot him, but he yelled "Tornado!"
The people who were about to shoot him looked towards the direction he was pointing and he ran away, escaping his punishment.
The last man was about to be shot. Like the first to men, he pointed behind the people who were about to shoot him, but he yelled "Fire!" and everyone shot him.
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| Posted by twatty Wanks on 11-Aug-2005 | Three Men In A SaunaThree men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a
beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping
stops. The others look at him curiously.
"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of
my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm
to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone.
I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna.
In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending
from his ass. The others raise their eyebrows.
"I'm getting a fax," he explains.
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| Posted by LP05 on 11-Aug-2005 | Hey Mom!There was a young couple living in a Nudist Colony when one day, their five year old son comes running up to his Mother.
"Hey Mommmy!", said her son, "Those things that Women have on their chests..how come some are bigger and some are smaller?"
Thinking a moment his mother said, "Well son, the bigger they are the dumber the woman is."
"oh", said her son,"Well, what about those things men have between their legs? How come some of THEM are bigger and some are smaller?"
"Well son", said the mother, "It's just the opposite. The bigger they are the smarter the man is."
Puzzled, the mother asked, "Why do you ask son?"
"Oh..well I just saw Daddy out back talkin' to this REALLY dumb woman and he's gettin smarter and smarter!"
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| Posted by skeeto. on 11-Aug-2005 | How unfair?This is a long one so I apologise now!
3 men die and go to heaven. At the gates, they meet St Peter who tells them
'Before you come in here, you have to answer one question. According to how you answer the question you will get a mode of transport. The mode of transport you have determines your status in heaven, do you understand?'
'yes' answer the men
'ok' says Peter and he turns to the first man. 'Tell me truthfully, how many times have you had an affair???'
'Well' said the first man 'I must admit I've had an affair 5 times'
'You get a bicycle then' said Peter and off the man goes into heaven
The second man answers, 'I've had an affair 2 times' and so he gets a mini and goes off into heaven
Finally the last man answers 'I can honestly say I have never had an affair in my life, I love my wife' and so he gets a brand new bmw and goes off into heaven.
A time later, the first man sees the last man sat next to his brand new bmw crying.
'What could possibly be wrong, you have this wonderfull car?' asks the first man.
'It's not that, I think that's great' says the man crying, 'it's just that I've just seen my wife go by on a skateboard!'
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| Posted by amy on 11-Aug-2005 | The Nice CopA fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
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| Posted by ANGEL D. HUDSON on 11-Aug-2005 | Taxi Cab and the NunA nun walks into a taxi. The taxi drivers
says to the nun,"I have always wanted to
kiss a nun. Will you please kiss me?"
She says "I will if you are single and
Christian." So the the cab drivers says
,"Yes I'm Christian and single" So after
they kiss, the cab drivers says "well, i lyed
because i'm married and i'm jewish." So
the nun says "Oh thats ok, cause my
name is Kevin and i'm going to a
halloween party!"
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