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| Posted by Paco Taco on 09-Aug-2005 | Fireman SexA fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just can??™t wait to tell his wife the good news about a new system that they have down at the station.
"Honey!" he says, "you??™re not going to believe this! Down at the station we have this new system and it??™s so great."
"When Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear."
"When Bell #2 goes off we slide down the pole and jump in the fire truck."
"When Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck." He excitedly tells his wife.
Triumphantly he says, "We??™re going to do the same thing for our sex life!"
"When Bell #1 goes off we are going to strip naked."
"When Bell #2 goes off we will jump into bed".
"When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our brains out. Let??™s give a test run. OK, ready?"
"Bell #1!" (they strip naked)
"Bell #2!" (they hop into bed)
"Bell #3!" (they start screwing there brains out)
A couple of minutes later the wife starts screaming "Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!".
The husband confused says,"Bell #4, What??™s that?"
The wife screams "More hose! More hose! Your not reaching the fire!!!"
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| Posted by Maxwell Murder on 09-Aug-2005 | Cindy CrawfordCindy Crawford and a guy were stranded on a deserted island. After several weeks without rescue, nature took its inevitable course and the two began to make love. Months later, they were still marooned and they were still making love.
One day, Cindy asked her companion if there was anything special she could do for him. "Well, yes, as a matter of fact," he said. "Would you mind putting on my trousers and shirt?"
"No, that??™s OK, I guess," she replied, stepping into his pants.
"And my jacket and tie?"
"Well, all right," she agreed.
"And could you pull your hair under this baseball cap?"
"Sure," she replied, getting into the game.
"OK, do you feel like a regular guy now?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"A regular guy?"
"Yeah, yeah. Now what can I do for you?" she asked impatiently.
He tapped her shoulder, leaned toward her ear and whispered, "Just between you and me, dude, I??™m fucking Cindy Crawford."
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| Posted by I Like Cheese You Like Cheese on 09-Aug-2005 | Sweet as candyOne pay day, Mr. Goodbar wanted to Skor.
So he took Miss Hershey to the Pot of Gold Motel on the corner of Aero and Fifth Avenue to show her some Twix.
He began to feel her Mounds that were pure Almond Joy.
It made her Tootsie Roll, and made him want to Eatmore.
This is Wonderbar!
He let out a Snicker as his Butterfinger went up her Kit Kat and caused a MilkyWay.
She screamed "Oh Henry", as she grabbed his Big Turk and squeezed his M & M's.
Miss Hershey said; "You are even better than the Three Musketeers".
To which Mr. Goodbar replied, "When you're this big they call you Mr. Big".
Soon she was a bit Chunky and nine months later she had a Baby Ruth.
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| Posted by Locke S. Welch on 09-Aug-2005 | Class assignmentThe teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuse will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member).
A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to write that note with your other hand."
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| Posted by ammooni on 09-Aug-2005 | Tightrope & BJWhat does walking a tightrope across the Grand Canyon and having an 80 year old woman give you a blow job have in common?
You just have to remember one thing --- Don't look down!!
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| Posted by Sara Silvestri on 09-Aug-2005 | Old maidIn a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin"
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote:
"Returned unopened"
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