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| Posted by daniel bud on 14-Aug-2005 | First Datemy friends first date true story he told me
6:00 pm
arrives at girls house
is told she is getting ready
father stares menacingly from across the den
6:10 pm
father blinks
girl comes down half naked to find bra
father covers boys eyes
6:30 pm
girl is finally ready
get in car
wont start
father gives advise
6:45 pm
car starts
girls sleeping cat dies inside car
car smells
7:00 pm
movie sold out
only movie avaliable: Shallow Hal
7:01 pm
leave in disgust
go out to dinner
7:10 pm
arrive at resterant
no reservation
has to slip waiter $100 to get table
7:15 pm
asks to go to bathroom
7:20 pm
goes in stall
glasses fall in toilet
7:25 pm
realizes glasses fell in toilet after taking a dump
must reach in to get glass
7:26 pm
faucet is broken
no towels must use tp
leaves white stuff on lenses and hands
7:45 pm
returns red-faced from all the cleaning
girl stares at him weird
said she ordered for them both
8:45 pm
food arrives
8:46 pm
takes first bite
finds it tasty
8:47 pm
asks what it is
8:48 pm
in the bathroom again
9:00 pm
finally nothing left in his stomach
returns to table
9:01 pm
girl says she didn't know he was alergic to oysters
asks to go dancing
boy can't dance but says yes
9:15 pm
returns to table with swollen feet
asks waiter for the strongest drink in the house
they bring him tap water
tounge is so numb from throwing up he can't tell the difference
9:20 pm
bill arrives
girl suggests going dutch
boy refuses as to not look cheep
only has enough to leave a $.01 tip
says to himself the service wasn't that good anyway
9:25 pm
boy makes mental note to seek medical attention for the black
eye the waiter gave him
9:30 pm
girl suggests going to make-out point
boy happily agrees
9:40 pm
arrives at make-out point
9:41 pm
sees girls parents in the next car
9:42 pm
moves to other side of the point
9:45 pm
heavy making out
9:46 pm
hears a knock on car window
rolls down window
girls father asks for a condom
boy floors it
father still walks with a limp
10:00 pm
arrives back at girls house
boy makes move to kiss girl
dad turns out light
girl yells "thanks dad now we can be really uninhibited"
light comes back on
10:05 pm
attempt at goodnight kiss
boy misses and falls onto girl, face on chest
10:06 pm
boy makes mental note to seek medical attention for stinging
cheek
10:10 pm
gets into car
car won't start
dad comes out with a baseball bat
steps up to side of car
car starts
boy floors it
dad walks with a limp in the other leg too
11:20 pm
arrives at home
boys dad asked how the date went
boy crys
11:21 pm
father wonders if boy is gay
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| Posted by Katie Cramer on 14-Aug-2005 | The Gay FamilyA man walks into a bar and immediately goes to the counter. He
sais to the bartender, "Gimme a Scotch!" Knowing this man very
well the bartender asks, "Why, you never drink Scotch, what's
the matter?"
The man then replies, "I just found out my brother is gay."
The next day the same man walks into the bar and says, "Gimme
two Scotches." Again the bartender asks, "What's the problem
this time, you don't drink scotch?"
The man replies, "I just found out my other brother is also gay."
The next day the man walks into the bar again and says, "Gimme
the whole damn bottle of Scotch!"
The bartender asks, "Not again! Don't you have anyone in your
family that likes girls?!"
The man then replies, "Yea, my wife."
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| Posted by Sabri Al-Safi on 14-Aug-2005 | Name Your PenisA guy walks into a bar and after only taking 2 steps in, he
realizes that it's a gay bar. He decides to proceed because he
really needs a drink. A gay waiter approaches and asks: "What's
the name of your penis?"
The customers says: "Look, I'm just not into that kind of stuff.
All I want is a cold beer."
The gay waiter says: "I'm sorry but house rules dictate that I
cannot serve you until you tell me the name of your penis."
The customer says to the gay waiter: "All right....I will but
first tell me the name of your penis."
The gay waiter says: "NIKE...you know, 'JUST DO IT!"
The customer thinks for a moment and then says: The name of my
penis is 'SECRET'.
The waiter is puzzled and asks: "SECRET? What does that mean?"
The customer says: You know, SECRET.....STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN
BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!"
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| Posted by david a. zeimer on 14-Aug-2005 | Resist the UrgesThree young candidates for the priesthood are told by the
Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test.
The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress,
and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.
In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume.
She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.
*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell... "Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor,
"I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long,
cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate
leaves.
The dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second
candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil
drops: *Ting-a-ling* goes the bell... "Joseph, Joseph," sighs
the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal
desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness"
The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the
third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all
of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved. "James,
my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you
have the true strength of character needed to become a great
priest". Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the shower".
*Ting-a-ling*
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| Posted by coucool slim (moe dog) on 14-Aug-2005 | Little ManA guy walked into a bathroom and started pissing He looked over
and saw a really little man taking a piss. The guy looked over
at him and said, "Hello." The little man said, "Hi, I'm a
leprechaun!" The guy was amazed. The leprechaun said "I like
you. I am going to grant you 3 wishes."
The guy was skeptical but he decided to go along with it. The
guy said, "Okay, I want a big house." The leprechaun said, "When
you return home, you will have a huge mansion!"
The guy said, "And then I want a beautiful woman for my own."
The leprechaun said, "I will give you a woman so wonderful you
will never look at anyone else."
The guy didn't know what to wish for 3rd. He looked over and saw
the size of this leprechaun's dick. It was huge. He said "Okay,
my third wish is to have a big dick as big as yours." The
leprechaun said, "I'll give it to you if you let me screw you up
the butt." The guy didn't want to, but he really wanted a big
dick. So the two were tearing it up! All the sudden the guy
yelled out, "I can't believe I'm letting a leprechaun screw me
up the butt!" Then the leprechaun said, "I can't believe you
think I am a leprechaun."
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():gay jokes (100): Three Wishes Each for a Bear and a Rabbit |
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| Posted by Adam P. Lafrance on 14-Aug-2005 | Three Wishes Each for a Bear and a RabbitOne day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was
asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I
wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that
the bear was gay."
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