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| Posted by Laurie D on 10-Aug-2005 | First GradersIt??™s the first day back after the holidays for the primary ones (first
graders), and the teacher decides to ask each of the children to tell a small
story about their fathers.
So the teacher points to little Katy and asks, "Katy, what does your daddy
work as?"
And Katy replies "my daddy's an aircraft pilot, and he flies people all over
the world and makes them very happy???.
The teacher then asks little David what his daddy does.
"My daddy is a postman, miss, and he delivers letters and parcels to people
sent from all over the place, and he makes people happy."
The teacher turns too little Susan and is about to ask the same question as
the others, but Susan suddenly bursts into tears. The teacher rushes over to
console her. "Whets wrong Susan?"
"My daddy is dead, miss" she replies.
"Awe.... I didn't know that. I??™m so sorry"
"It??™s ok" she choked out, through tears.
"So tell me Susan, what did your father do before he died?"
"He s*** the bed and turned blue, miss".
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| Posted by LeaveMeBe on 10-Aug-2005 | A coupleA couple is out for a drive one day and the husband is behind the wheel.
As he's driving, he's complaining about everything... the heat, the long
drive, the bad drivers, the country, the bad drivers in the country, etc, and
he's driving his wife crazy at the same time with his depressing talk.
So his wife says to him, "one more complaint and I??™ll cut your dick off with
my Swiss army knife???.
That got his attention, so he stopped. But about half an hour later, he starts
complaining again and before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife, slices
off his penis and throws it out the window.
Driving behind the couple's car is a family of three.... husband, wife and
their 8 year old daughter. The penis suddenly lands on their car's windscreen
leaving the father in an absolute panic, as he doesn't want his daughter to see
it. So he puts the windshield wipers on to get the dick off and out of his
daughter's view.
The daughter asks, "Daddy, what was that??"
Her father, still in a panic, replies, " oh it was only a...uh...butterfly my
dear."
The daughter says, "well f*** me! Did you see the size of its cock????
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():love jokes (2491): The first day of the school year |
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| Posted by bruny on 10-Aug-2005 | The first day of the school yearIt was the first day of the school year, and an elementary teacher was trying
to get to know her students.
"What did you do this summer?" the teacher asked Suzie.
"Me and my family went to the beach a lot???, Suzie answered.
"That sounds like fun," said the teacher. "How about you, Emma? What did you
do this summer?"
"Me and my family rode our bikes together."
"That sounds lovely," said the teacher. She continued with all her pupils
until she got to shy Mike in the corner of the room.
"What did you do this summer, Mike?"
"Nothing," the boy responded timidly.
"Did you do anything with your family?" the teacher asked, try to draw Mike
out.
"Yes."
"Did you go to the beach?"
"No."
"Did you ride bikes?"
"No, never!" the boy burst out. "We can never ride bikes together!"
"Why not?" said the shocked teacher.
"I don't know," explained Mike???,but my dad says that when my mom and my
sisters are cycling together, he has to get the hell out of town???.
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| Posted by Justin Babineau on 10-Aug-2005 | A sister and brotherA sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and
walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No???.
The little boy goes on, "Please .. please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No, now go play???.
The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog
noise???. So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog
noise."
The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother no and I'm telling you no."
The little girl says, "Please .. please Grandpa makes a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"
The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to
Disney world!"
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| Posted by Bird Boy on 10-Aug-2005 | Billy-Joe and Betty-SueBilly-joe and betty-sue get married, and billy-joe whisks her away to his
daddy's hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic 'nature honeymoon'...
he carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when betty-sue
whispers in his ear "billy-joe, be gentle, i aim never been with a man before."
"what???" shouts billy-joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head...
billy-joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door, into
his truck.... down the mountain.... straight to his parents house... rushes
inside screaming "hey daddy!, paw! get-up!" .....
his father rushes downstairs and gasps... "billy-joe, what??™re you doing here?"
billy-joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps "well, betty-sue an
i was in the' cabin, and she toll' me she isn??™t never been with a man' afore....
sob??™s i rushed outtalk there, an' lit back here... quick as i could!"
his father grasps billy-joe's shoulder in reassurance, and says "son, yaw done
the right thing.... tiffin she isn??™t good'nuff far her family, she shore as s***
isn??™t good'nuff far ours!!"
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| Posted by Clare Sakic on 10-Aug-2005 | A man watching TVOne evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them
in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his
wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He
called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried
and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the
peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers
up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut
flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man
insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the
kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.
The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's
going to be when he grows older?!"
The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"
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