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| Posted by Renzo G. Cafferata on 14-Aug-2005 | First TrickThe new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.
She said "well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine"
"Well, what did he want to do?" they all asked. She said " I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much"
"So I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn't have that much either"
"Finally I said, well, how much do you have"? The marine said that he only had $25. The new hooker said "well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job"
He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said " he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand....."
"Oh my god" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge.... then what did you do?"
"I loaned him $75!" she said.
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| Posted by GRIMrprTAZ on 14-Aug-2005 | Bedroom GolfThe rules for playing bedroom golf.
Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.
Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole
and keep the balls out.
For the most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so
may result in being denied permission to play again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to
admire the entire course, paying special attention to well
formed mounds and bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played on in the past or are currently playing on to the owner
of the course being played.
Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for
this reason.
Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.
Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at
all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find
alternate means of play when this is the case.
Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled
particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time.
Previous players have been known to become irate if they
discover someone else is playing what they considered to be a
private course.
The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any
bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.
Players are also advised not to play on courses where there is
no bush surrounding the hole.
Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before
attempting to play the backside.
Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.
It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several times in one match.
You do not have to let other players play through.
It is not advisable for two players to attempt the same hole at
the same time.
Beware: Some courses may be contaminated. Report these courses
to all fellow players and course owners so that they will not
contaminate other courses or equipment. Should your equipment
become contaminated, avoid playing any further courses until the
contamination is removed. Should your course become
contaminated, restrict all players from the course until the
contamination is removed.
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| Posted by Maggie McAdams on 14-Aug-2005 | Camping TripTwo guys have been camping in the woods for over a week and are
beginning to get a little annoyed with each other. One says to
the other, "Today we should spend some time apart. You hike to
the north, I'll hike to the south and then we will meet back
here and discuss our hikes over a campfire."
The day turns to night and the two men meet at the campsite and
one says to the other, "So,how was your day?"
"Oh, it was fabulous. I hiked towards the south, down into the
valley and swam in this crystal blue stream and laid out in the
sun until I was dry. When I woke up I saw a deer drinking from
the stream and it was the most serene vision I have ever had.
How was your day?"
The other camper says, "Well, I hiked north and came upon these
railroad tracks. I followed them until I found this woman tied
to the tracks so I untied her and we had sex all day long, in
every position imaginable. It was the best sex I ever had and
when we just couldn't do it anymore, I hiked back here."
The other camper responds, "Wow! your day was much better than
mine! Did you get a blowjob too?"
"Nah, I couldn't find her head."
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| Posted by Pretty Sammi on 14-Aug-2005 | Fruits Of LoveA newlywed couple was spending their honeymoon in a remote log
cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had
registered on Saturday, and they had not been seen for five days.
An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting
concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man
decided to go and see if they were alright. He knocked on the
door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered. The old
man asked if they were okay.
"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love," came the
reply.
The old man responded, "I thought so. Would you mind not
throwing the peelings out the window? They're choking my ducks!"
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| Posted by John R. Beard on 14-Aug-2005 | Please Stay SantaSanta came down the chimney one night and saw a pretty lady in a
teddy. She said, "Please stay Santa." Santa said, "Ho! Ho! Ho!
Gotta go, gotta go." Then turned around and started filling the
stockings.
When he turned around again, she had removed her top. She said,
"Please stay Santa." Santa said, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go, gotta
go." Then he turned around and started putting presents under
the tree.
Then he turned around again. The woman had removed her panties.
She said, "Please stay Santa." Santa said, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta
stay! Gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney with a woody!"
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| Posted by Jayne L. San Jose on 14-Aug-2005 | Camel TroubleA man in Egypt needs to cross the Sahara Desert. He goes to a
camel owner and asks to buy one of his camels. The owner says,
"Here's one fine camel, very fast and 3 drinks across desert,
$200." The man says, "No, that's out of my budget. do you have
any others?"
The owner goes through a few other camels, the man refusing each
one of them, until they come across one. The owner says, "Very
old and slow camel, no drink across desert, $20, but sometimes
he will need a little jerking off." The man buys the camel.
They are half way across the desert when the camel stops. The
man asks the camel, "Are you hungry?" The camel shakes its head.
"Thirsty?" The camel shakes it head. "Tired?" The camel shakes
its head. "All right then," and the man jacks off the camel.
This happens a few times, until they are almost across the
desert, and the camel stops.
"Are you hungry?" the man asks again. The camel shakes its head.
"Thirsty?" The camel shakes its head. "Tired?" The camel shakes
its head. "All right then," and the man jacks off the camel, but
nothing happens. "What do you want?!" The man asks annoyed. The
camel opened its mouth.
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