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| Posted by Zak on 09-Aug-2005 | Fisherman's TokenTwo fellas are fishing in a boat near a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."
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| Posted by mark m. miller on 09-Aug-2005 | Whats for DinnerA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife.
He says to the doctor, ''Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.''
''Well,'' the doctor replied, ''go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about five feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness''.
Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, ''Honey, what's for dinner?''
He hears no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again.
No reply.
He moves five feet closer.
Still no reply.
He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, ''Honey, what's for dinner?''
She replies, ''For the fourth time, vegetable stew!
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| Posted by Mallory on 09-Aug-2005 | Nagging WifeA drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, ???Where have you been????
???I've been to the pub,??? slurs the drunk.
???Well,??? says the cop, ???it looks like you've had quite a few.???
???I did alright,??? the drunk says with a smile.
???Did you know,??? says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, ???that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car????
???Oh, thank heavens,??? sighs the drunk. ???For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.???
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| Posted by TigerFly on 09-Aug-2005 | Shot To The HeartAging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
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| Posted by coucool slim (moe dog) on 09-Aug-2005 | I would, but...A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough."
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| Posted by Autumn on 09-Aug-2005 | Devil Visits A PartyThere was a man who was throwing a party at his house when suddenly and unexpectedly the devil showed up.
All of the people at the party started running out of the house except for the one man who was throwing the party.
The devil asked the man, "Why aren't you running away like the rest of those fools?"
The ran replied, "Are you kidding? Why should I?
I've been married to your sister for 28 years!"
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