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| Posted by Garbett on 09-Aug-2005 | Fishing TipsA man has been fishing on the bank of a river for hours without a nibble. A newcomer sits down 25 feet away, baits up and casts out. Not two minutes later, he gets a huge strike and lands a trophy. Again and again he baits, casts out and immediately catches a huge fish. The luckless man is now watching the new guy to see his secret. He sees that the man removes a piece of bait from a jar, inspects it carefully and smells it before putting it on the hook. He walks over to him and asks about the bait.
The man replies "This is very special bait indeed. I get it from a friend who is a mortician, he cuts the pussy lips off all the women that he works on. The fish really love 'em".
The luckless man asks "But why do you smell each one?"
"Well.."
he replies, " he's a real joker, sometimes he throws an asshole in there".
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| Posted by Boogyman J. Boogster on 09-Aug-2005 | Doctors PerksDave had felt guilty all day long. No matter how hard he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice trying to reassure him, "Dave, don't worry about it, you weren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go!"
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Dave, you're a vet...."
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| Posted by Lindsey L. D on 09-Aug-2005 | Free BeersBruce and Joe were down on their luck and needed a beer.After checking their pockets and finding only 50 cents,Bruce came up with a brilliant idea."
I'll take the 50 cents and show you how we can drink all day for free!" He went into a butcher's shop and bought a single sausage,which he stuck in Joe's fly. They then went to a nearby bar.
"Two beers," said Bruce to the barman. They downed the beers as fast as they could and the barman waited for the money. All of a sudden, Bruce got down on his knees and began sucking the sausage hanging out of Joe's fly.
"Get out of my bar, you gay bastards!" the barman screamed and booted them out the door. They did this all day, going to about 16 bars and getting thrown out before paying for their beers.
"I just can't do this anymore," Bruce whined.
"My knees are getting sore from kneeling down on the floor so much. We'll have to swap places."
"We can't," said Joe.
"We lost the sausage after the third pub."
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| Posted by Renee Jones on 09-Aug-2005 | Getting Kinky...A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They are both really depressed. The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed."
"What a coincidence!" he said, "My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too."
So they start talking and they find that they have much in common so they decide to go to the woman's apartment and have kinky sex. When they arrive at her apartment, she tells him she needs a few minutes so she can slip into something more comfortable. She comes out of the bathroom with a tight, black leather outfit with a whip, handcuffs, a strap- on cock, and a 12 inch studded dildo. Then she hurries into the kitchen and comes out with Tabasco sauce, whipped cream, and a rolling pin. Then she notices that the man is putting on his coat and is walking towards the door.
"What's going on?"
, she asks.
"I thought you wanted to get kinky?"
He turns around and says, "I just fucked your dog and shit in your purse. I'm all done."
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| Posted by Jessie Adam on 09-Aug-2005 | 80 Year Old CrabsThis 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she goes to the doctor.
"Doctor I think I have the crabs."
"When was the last time you had sex?"
The doctor asks.
"I have never had sex. I'm still a virgin."
she replied.
The doctor thought this was very strange so he told her to get on the table and he would examine her.
After the examination he said, "I have some good news and bad news for you. The good news is you don't have the crabs. The bad news is you've got fruit flies."
"Fruit flies?"
asks granny.
"Yeah," says the doctor.
"Your cherry rotted."
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| Posted by Bryan J. Thibodeau on 09-Aug-2005 | Fine DiningA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.
The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
"Ahh, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember ? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognise you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back just as the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says??¦
"Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"
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